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[Solved] 1st court hearing aftermath advise

 
Petesbox99
(@petesbox99)
Eminent Member Registered

Hi

After some advise really just had my first court conference call total waste of time nothing new was said or agreed. I asked for meaningful contact with my daughter to witch she proposed contact centre witch the legal advisor threw out straight away then was suggested supervised access to witch she has no1 who is allowed to do it as they are all not allowed to be by kids on there own. I was then asked if I could provide a supervisor to witch I could but my argument was only 3 hours every 2 weeks is not enough and is emotionally crippling for me more so than not seeing her. So nothing was agreed she and her solicitor tried getting it put down that I refused contact but legal advisor in charge was addiment I hadent refused just wed agreed what we cant agree on and now have to wait for a full joint report by socail and cafcass then second hearing on March 11th next year. Was I right to push for more access and refuse supervison end of day I have no safeguarding issues about me but she is well know to socail and child is on child protection because of her.

The end result of weeks of agonising waiting for this court ends with disappointment and disbelief and now months more waiting the whole time my daughter forgets me and is at risk. Has anyone been through this

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Topic starter Posted : 30/11/2020 4:01 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

hi,

how old is your child? if 3 hours contact was only option on the table, I would have accepted as it's better than nothing. I saw one of my kids for 1 hour every 2 weeks for most of the year.

you can try contact your ex solicitor and still try to arrange time to spend with your child. worth a try.

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Posted : 30/11/2020 4:16 pm
Ferfer
(@Ferfer)
Reputable Member Registered

As Bill said, I would go back and suggest you will have 3 hours every two weeks supervised or at a contact centre up until the March hearing, at least then you are maintaining contact with the kids. I would suggest a contact centre, i know they can be a bit expensive, but you get unbiased reports back from them and these will work well for you in the next hearing.

I know it doesnt sound like a lot (well it isn't) but it is better than nothing at all. Hopefully come March once cafcass and everyone else has been involved, contact will increase.

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Posted : 30/11/2020 5:11 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Honorable Member Registered

I'd agree with the advice here.. It isn't just about the time being given now, you have to think of the long game. Seeing the kids even as you say sets a pattern and ensures you start to build a relationship.

The sooner you start the sooner you can start to build up on contact and everyone involved can see the excellent bond you have and can build on.

A well created contact plan from now could give you what you want by March, otherwise you risk come March your ex saying that its been too long and to build it up in which case you are no better off.

Good Luck..

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Posted : 01/12/2020 12:52 am
warwickshire1
(@warwickshire1)
Honorable Member Registered

I know you must be very angry and upset. I know you shouldnt be supervised however if u refuse it now , it will go to a final hearing and you will only get supervised as child not seen you for a long time. if it has stopped What i am saying is you got to play the game and accept as hard it is the supervised contact which is on offer. At final hearing this would automatically be lifted when judge can make the final decisions. Also once accepting the supervised contact sometimes the ex will if reports against them attempt to allow you a little bit more contact albeit not guaranteed to come across like she is reasonable .

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Posted : 01/12/2020 4:25 am
Petesbox99
(@petesbox99)
Eminent Member Registered

Hi all
Thanks for the advise id love to have contact the supervised that was suggested on the first court meeting was with someone she trusts this was suggested by the legal advisor however she hasn't anybody who can supervise as they are all deemed to be to high risk to leave my daughter alone with. It was then suggested my family supervise witch isn't a issue bar the fact me and the ex live 2h apart and she point blank refused as if my lot supervise nothing stopping me just taking my daughter and going home. She's playing games as shes been told by her solicitor and socail if I get my daughter with me she will find it very hard to get her back because she has a history of abuse. Basicly shes using everything I cant do as her proposals knowing full well I cant do it trying to make herself look good. However I preempted this and informed cafcas she would do this and use it against me they have since acknowledged they can see her vindictive behaviour and the judge even said he didn't accept id refused contact just that id refused to agree to her unrealistic terms. He said to everyone that this would not count as refusal of contact witch led to my ex flipping out on the call I kinda got a sense he was pushing her buttons as he kept phrasing things in a manor I knew would make her snap and it did. I dont know whats going on ive had cafcas on phone asking questions again they are growing increasingly concerned about my daughters saftey and my exs mental health so with any luck they will act fairly soon

And yes I know i must seem like a right prat for refusing contact because was supervised but there is more than just contact involved there is so much else going on if I did what she wants I fear if I start seeing her again my daughter may pay the price as when she's with me she doesn't want her mom at all for days after and that will place her at risk of exs temper

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Topic starter Posted : 01/12/2020 10:10 pm
Yoda
 Yoda
(@yoda)
Famed Member

It's a fine line to walk and personally I think you should have taken anything that was on offer unless that was to the detriment of your child's wellbeing.

Perhaps you can contact the solicitor to see if anything can be arranged in the interim. It's likely a court would order supervised access anyway if you get to March without any contact having taken place.

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Posted : 03/12/2020 6:29 pm
Petesbox99
(@petesbox99)
Eminent Member Registered

I very much believe its in my daughters interest i stay away with me there my exs tempor will flare up just knowing im on the sence and I cant imagine what that would cause for my child's life. Its very difficult for me I think I've made the right choice and have subsequently spoken to cafcas officer who was present and was agreed I did the right thing to try and negate the aftermath tempor normally id fire back and flare up to protect my little girl but that places her at so much risk her mother is extremely unstable im petrified of what will happen socail are useless they won't listen its very odd to me the socail report they gave says one thing but the cafcass report says different. I was under the understanding either cafcass or socail would do the next investigation but it was instructed in meeting that both cafcass and socail would have to have a joint report. I dont understand all the legal jargon for me this is black and white my ex is abusive has a proven history my child is at risk with her. With me shes not I have passed all the checks have got a brill dad reference from my boys mom whom I have 50/50 yet the system still protects her thats what I cant wrap my head around its physically destroying me

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Topic starter Posted : 03/12/2020 6:39 pm
Yoda
 Yoda
(@yoda)
Famed Member

It is a long and slow process but great that you seem to have Cafcass on side. Did the court discuss appointing a guardian for the child in respect of the proceedings?

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Posted : 03/12/2020 6:43 pm
Petesbox99
(@petesbox99)
Eminent Member Registered

No mention of that should they have. Issue is her entire family are deemed unsafe and she won't allow mine

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Topic starter Posted : 03/12/2020 7:14 pm
Yoda
 Yoda
(@yoda)
Famed Member

Not necessarily something they should have done but it's often considered. It can be quite helpful on occasion.
Maybe have a google of why they are appointed in children cases so that you can get an understanding as it might be helpful to raise at a later date if things become more complex.

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Posted : 03/12/2020 7:51 pm
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