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10yrs ago when my children were young teenagers I was awarded 50/50 custody of them after their mother refused to let them spend any time with me. After the court order she made things even harder for them, to the point they refused to live with her and would run away from home. Their mother remarried and the kids came to live with me full time ever since. Pleasingly a few years ago their relationship with her has been restored but they still chose to live full time with me. My older daughter moved overseas 2 yrs ago so it's been just my younger daughter and I living together since then. During this time we have been on some wonderful trips together. She doesn't use social media a lot but when she posts anything, she excludes me from any photos. Initially I wasn't phased by that because I consider it fairly normal for a person of that age to not want to share with their friends that they are out with their parent. But she put up a post recently showing highlights of her past year where she included a pic of her and her mother enjoying time away together, but on our trips it was just her by herself not showing any pics of us being together. Just wondering what could be behind this. I feel a little hurt to be honest as I have (willingly and happily) made big sacrifices to be there whenever she needed, and had no family support when they were younger as my parents are elderly and live 500 miles away, she still lives with me on my dime yet she seems embarrassed to be seen on social media with me but OK to be seen with her mother? I'm wondering if the reason could be resentment? I have in the past suggested to her that she find full time employment as she has so many offers, but prefers a social life and sleeping in etc. She knows I expect more of her but I don't say anything or make her feel guilty. But could that be the reason? Or is it a lot simpler than this?
I think you need professional support with this. If she is of working age, then it's not good for her to be sleeping in. She needs to stand on her own - what will happen when you're not around to support her? It will be good for her self esteem to have a job and earn money. She should be contributing to the household, if not financially then doing chores perhaps.
@dadmod3 Thanks, good idea. I'll discuss it with a counsellor. I agree about needing to stand on her own, but it causes further resentment and arguments, very similar to her mother who refused to work which led to frustration and arguments and one of the reasons for the breakdown in our marriage. And I think she is being supported verbally by her mother in taking life easy (probably answered my own question here about why her mother might be in favour and not me). I'm afraid the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree in that respect. I just don't like the conflict but that's not healthy for either of us so I'll also raise that with the counsellor too. I appreciate your reply, thankyou.
You're obviously a very caring father and she's lucky to have you in her life. Good luck.
It’s understandable to feel hurt, but your daughter’s social media behavior is likely more about her navigating independence than any resentment. Many young adults curate their posts based on what feels right for their peers, not necessarily reflecting family dynamics. A gentle, non-confrontational conversation may help clarify her perspective. Your support and care have been invaluable, and this phase will likely pass.
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