Dad dot info
DAD.info form. Ask questions, get answers
Notifications
Clear all

[Solved] Contact denied

Page 1 / 2
 
rod977
(@rod977)
Active Member Registered

hello,

During last February half term holidays, the mother of my 8 year old boy, who I have separated acrimoniously for more than 6 years showed up unexpectedly at my home to allegedly collect our son during my time of custody. I see him every other weekends and half holidays as per a court order in place. On that day, mother drove 40 miles from her home after speaking to our son, and came to collect him. It was a setup she had premeditated with our son who cooperated on that day and I could not nothing. I reported the incident to the Police and got a crime number. Since that day, Mother is denying all contact (phone/skype calls or physical contact) and has taken advantage of covid19 to unilaterally stop all forms of contact. I have applied for enforcement (second time already since order previously breached) following her new breach and also for a non-molestation order for her harassment and her unexpected and aggressive visit into my home. Both proceedings are ongoing but further delayed. Next contact hearing is only end of August while the non-mol is ongoing (second hearing this week). On reception of my applications, Mother applied to vary the order and verse C1A allegations of emotional and psychological abuse against me. Since separation, I live with my wife and young family (one boy and one girl) and we have all witness mother's aggression on that day but feel powerless particularly seeing the court delays and reactivity. My 8 year old son seems completely alienated and I am starting to lose hope of rebuilding contact with him and repair the damage made by Mother.

My question is how do I go about the current order in place. I am supposed to call him twice a week, which I am still doing since 4 months now, but mother will not reply alleging that our son does not want to speak to me. Until the hearing nothing is happening, while an order is still valid. What can i do until the contact hearing in two months from now?

Thanks for your help.

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 16/06/2020 1:26 am
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

hi,

how long since you re-married? perhaps your ex doing it out of sheer jealousy.

as you applied for enforcement hearing, unfortunately there is not much you can do until that hearing, other than trying to reason with her, and remind her to follow the court order. its terrible. my ex behaved stupid while hearings were still going on! first stopped me picking up kids on a friday. then used covid to keep kids away, and i waited almost a month before she had the decency to allow video calls.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/06/2020 2:02 am
rod977 liked
rod977
(@rod977)
Active Member Registered

Thank you Bill337. It has now been 3 years. It is clearly jealousy and revenge but I have passed the stage or trying to analyse her behaviours. Just trying to figure out what can I do in the meantime as the contact order is being breached and my son is getting further alienated and isolated from me. With next hearing only in 2 months meaning no contact during the summer probably.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 16/06/2020 2:40 am
flyingember
(@flyingember)
Estimable Member Registered

Keep recording the breach instances. Bring it up at the enforcement hearing. A defence of "he doesn't want to speak to" is all too common and good judges and social workers will see right through it, it verges on alienation - she should be promoting these calls.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/06/2020 2:43 am
flyingember
(@flyingember)
Estimable Member Registered

Also as things are opening up - if she doesn't cooperate see a solicitor about starting punitive action proceedings, and bring up committal.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/06/2020 2:45 am
rod977
(@rod977)
Active Member Registered

Thank you flyingember. What do you mean by "punitive action proceedings" or "committal"? I don't think the court will be in favour of sending a mother to jail because she is breaching orders as they would see as a risk for the child as well not to be able to see his mother. I have btw used a solicitor to send a warning letter and reminder which she has both ignored and it costed me an eye and a leg just for two letters. Not sure how efficient this is really..

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 16/06/2020 2:25 pm
warwickshire1
(@warwickshire1)
Honorable Member Registered

I think in my opinion its going to be very hard for your ex to be served a non molestation order. It is probably the fact you are doing this which has led to your ex being even more hostile than ever and refusing contact. Are you represented by a solicitor or are you a litigant in person.
Could you not try mediation in meantime to try and sort some contact out for summer holidays or even email your ex to suggest this. maybe if you didn't go ahead with non molestation proceedings she maybe more open to re instating your contact before final hearing. If she does turn up for mediation although you could try email first you might be able to get something in place for summer holidays

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/06/2020 2:44 pm
rod977 liked
flyingember
(@flyingember)
Estimable Member Registered

Thank you flyingember. What do you mean by "punitive action proceedings" or "committal"? I don't think the court will be in favour of sending a mother to jail because she is breaching orders as they would see as a risk for the child as well not to be able to see his mother. I have btw used a solicitor to send a warning letter and reminder which she has both ignored and it costed me an eye and a leg just for two letters. Not sure how efficient this is really..

I meant - if it's clear that she is breaching the order, you will want to enforce the order.

To enforce the order you can suggest sanctions - these include fines, community service or committal (prison time).

If it's really established that she breached orders then she will be held in contempt and all of the above will be considered.

Fines: depend on how rich she is. If she is struggling financially courts tend to shy away from this.

Community service: can be ordered. Can be suspended.

Committal: can be ordered - it can be as small as a few days. or a Suspended committal sentence.

Usually ex's will fall right in line once these serious things are being considered - even if suspended.

You will want to engage a solicitor for these because there are strict procedures in place and it's easy to get one of the steps wrong.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/06/2020 4:21 pm
rod977
(@rod977)
Active Member Registered

Thank you warwickshire1. contact has been refused for 4+ months since that incident with direct attempts to negotiate reinstatement of indirect or direct contacts via email and finally through solicitors for 4 months before I decided to file the non molestation order and enforcement order which I had been on hold due to covid etc..perhaps that was mistake to have waited all that time

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 16/06/2020 4:49 pm
rod977
(@rod977)
Active Member Registered

THank you flyingember. There is no doubts about the breaches. I am a litigant in person and if any of these stricter sanctions (which are not necessarily be granted by the Judge) require a solicitor I don't think I can afford it at the minute. Enforcement of orders never seem to lead to anything. I already did an enforcement last year and she made a counter application to vary. Finally the Judge reinstated a regressed contact through a contact center for months before I could go back to the contact I had before she breached it. So all in all, we seem to always loose these battles. It was rather humiliating to have to find myself in a tiny room in the middle of summer with a supervisor watching and listening everything I was doing. This was the worst experience ever as a father as I have been taken care of our son since birth and spent weekends and holidays with him even after separation. Feeling a bit helpless about all of this atm.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 16/06/2020 4:56 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

negotiation, or doing family mediation works for some. but there's a big risk of wasting time and causing you more distress. my ex refused to let me have kids overnight, and just said their not ready for it. i had a chat with a mediator and they just signed me off to make a court application.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/06/2020 4:58 pm
warwickshire1
(@warwickshire1)
Honorable Member Registered

rod977 is already due in court albeit not for at least 2 months. mediation after attempting an email is only possible way of trying to get some form of contact going before family court appearance

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/06/2020 5:38 pm
Page 1 / 2
Share:

Pin It on Pinterest