My ex, who I'm still living with after she broke up with me 2 months ago has join BA doing long haul flights. Her first rota is 3 days away, 4 home, 5 away, 4 home. She has said I must have the kids while she is away and when she returns, she will have them. And if I don't agree she will apply to have them full time and get an au pair. This rota is not sustainable as it changes every month with a weeks notice and it's unsettling for my 4 and 8 year old. Soon we will be living in 2 houses with 50/50 custody and she expects me to work around her rota and she won't compromise. I work 40 hours a week 50/50 home and office. I'll have to do all school runs around my work while she is away. When she returns she get 3-4 days off with no work. I'll be working 6 days a week to earn enough to provide for my kids. My kids won't know where they are staying from one month to the next. Surely this can't be fair! I want set days and we each sort out our own childcare. She won't do it and has refused mediation.
It's a shame that child contact is causing friction at this stage. You can apply to court on a C100 form setting out what you'd like. You have to try mediation first but if she refuses the mediator will sign the form to say so. There is a guide on applying for a child arrangements order without a lawyer on the www.advicenow.org.uk website which may be helpful
hi,
if she has refused mediation, then it seems option would be to settle this in court. from my experience with them, they were very blunt. they told me if school runs are a problem, then to find a more flexible job. usually the arrangements they like to order are each parents caring for kids every other weekend, and mid-week depending on who is available. if your able to care for kids majority of time, then that would put you at an advantage. one option you could consider is seeking residency of the kids, so they will live you with, and spend time with mother. if they live with her and spend time with you, then you would have to pay child maintenance to her. you could also think about a 50/50 arrangement if that is workable.
- @bill337 hi, thanks for replying. I'm just worried about things like, the one who is available looks after them. My ex could be away for 5 days Monday to Friday and I could be working a 40 hour week, so would it look like I'm the one available so I'll have them those days. That's what the ex wants is to me to have them when she works regardless if I'm working. It's so hard having the mornings with 2 kids, getting them off to school, working a full day with no breaks just to get home in time to pick them up from after school clubs, doing dinners, baths, bed, tidying up etc. It's 15-16 hour days and then when she returns she takes them for 3-4 days while on her days off. If this is a weekend then that's my only days with them and I won't see them. On top of this the kids don't know what's going on one month to the next.
@champagne hi, I'm just worried about the unknown and that I could lose my kids or work with her rota which extremely hard for a single dad. I did it when were were a couple but she did 2 long hauls a month, some short haul and only work 3 weeks out of 4. Plus we were a 2 income household. I'll soon be a one person house hold with 2 kids half the time paying for child breakfast and after school clubs. She applied for this job with a start date post breaking up with me. She knew she was screwing me over. I get to see my kids half the time, if I'm lucky at a weekend while she is away as if she is back they will be with her.