Incessant allegations are killing me.
How do you deal with these? My ex is really nuts and I mean NPD/ BPD mental. It’s never been officially diagnosed, although they thought it was PMDD, then bipolar. Everyone avoids the subject, it’s like a giant elephant in the room.
I’ve spent thousands in the courts to keep access to my five year old. Social Services are utterly dreadful and incapable of recognising abuse against men. I’ve been accused of historical rape, inappropriate touching of my youngest child, harassment, coercive control and it just never ends, allegation after allegation all totally fabricated. Despite all this being investigated and NFA, nothing is ever done about her continuous false allegations. It has driven me close to suicide. I’ve had years of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. The parental alienation is horrendous and getting worse. All I want is peace and to spend some time with my youngest daughter.
The wider impact of this is utterly devastating. My youngest is really impacted by it annd is very confused and on a CP plan. SS are utterly useless. My eldest from a previous relationship lives with me full-time, however, it has affected her too and she’s experienced body dysmorphia and self harming. I’ve paid for her to have some EDMR therapy and provided good support. My parents are utterly wasted with it all.
i’m at the point where I may have to walk from my youngest. My ex will not leave me alone. Nobody is interested in stopping her from behaving like she does. It’s as if because she’s female, she can say and do anything. I’m just wasted with it all. My mental health is shot.
Thank you for having the courage to come on this forum and to share your current situation on here. What an utterly sad and stressful situation you and your family are going through.
I would strongly advise you to get help for yourself - visit your GP, call the Samaritain's, Relate, all of whom will be able to hopefully sign post you to other organisations who can assist you in your situation. As a father to your other daughter, I would suggest that it is a priority that you yourself are well enough and strong enough to be able to help her and for you to be able to cope with whatever is sent your way next.
You clearly care for your daughter that you have with you as you are getting help with her needs, and you are trying your very best to fight for fare access and time with your younger daughter, so you are doing lots right.
At this stage, I don't really know what else I can suggest, except to keep us informed and keep talking to someone. You must get help for yourself as you matter. You are important to your two daughters and your life matters.
I hope you are able to access the help that you need and I wish you all the best at this time,
Kind regards, Fegans Parent Support Volunteer
I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing. I just want to echo Clarinet's encouragement to you to seek support for yourself, whether through your GP, counselling, or your family and friends. The situations you are dealing with are by no means easy, so it's all the more important that you take time to look after yourself.
You are doing your best with your elder daughter, in providing her with love and support. Keep spending time together, maybe treating yourselves to things like a trip to the cinema or going out for a walk or coffee together, or simply finding a favourite film or series to watch together at home. Keep telling her you love her, and be ready to listen to her if she wants to talk about how she is feeling (may well be last thing at night....).
It must be very difficult managing arrangements with your ex and to have time with your younger daughter. All I can say is don't give up. Your daughter deserves to have both parents in her life. To the best of your ability, do stay engaged with any ongoing review meetings or meetings with school etc, and reach out for support with the process if you can.
Keep talking, and be assured of how important you are to your girls.
Fegan's Parent Support