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Is being a Dad in the U.K worth it ?

Active Member Registered

I have 2 daughters 9 and 11. 

I have been in the court system now for six years. Attended family court, CSA tribunals, followed court orders, payment agreements  etc etc..

I have now spend more time in the legal system then with my daughters, and it is still ongoing, nothing is settled. 

You start with hope of justice however after six years as a dad justice this is an illusion, it is really dependent on mothers ever changing moods. 

The courts and CSA 99 percent of the time rule in mothers favour, 

I am an E.U citizen and I can see in England the access to your children is sold to you if your lucky,

and if unlucky you pay out of moral duty and live in hope of seeing them one day. 

However I think I have worked out how to break the cycle, simply leave the u.k.

As an E.U citizen not living in the U.K I can come back as and when I please and walk up to my girls in the street and talk with them, maybe even take them out for the day. 

All this without going to court for an order !

Since Brexit the the CSA cannot enforce court orders, neither can the family court. The U.K can apply to the legal system of a different country to take legal action through that countries legal system, however in practice this occurs less then 1 percent of the time.

In other E.U countries Fathers do actually have rights and these legal systems are no where near as brutal as in the U.K.

This is not so I can avoid child support, I will anyways support my girls, this is to avoid paying for this system that is set up to continual prosecute a father, why bother getting involved with this system ?

Topic starter Posted : 05/08/2021 1:28 pm
Eminent Member Registered

I have exactly the same feeling. The mother can allege anything without a single proof and courts have to investigate and delay the process. When they found the allegations are false, nothing happens to her.  And then she can allege another thing. System is unfair. I wish i knew it before.

Posted : 05/08/2021 2:16 pm
World Traveller
Active Member Registered

Sounds like you have had different experiences compared to mine.  My ex was nailed during the divorce as could not prove her statements/allegations.  Three cost orders in my favour before the final hearing came around (18 months after I filed for divorce).  Final settlement was less favourable than I had offered at the beginning of the divorce.

She is now on to the second CMS appeal.  First one for shared care (three years ago) dismissed by the tribunal.  What the grounds are for the second appeal I don't know yet as I have not seen the papers even though I was notified in April this year that an appeal had been lodged.



Posted : 06/08/2021 7:18 am
Active Member Registered

The legal system is just a money making industry, and selling access to your child is a very profitable sector of the industry.

We all go to court and lose reasonable access, then the CSA, Caffcass, just tear our lives and business apart.

Why are we so stupid to kept attending these courts and interact with CSA we always lose.

I think it is a sign of madness to kept attending courts and dealing  with the CSA expecting a positive outcome, we just won't. 

Just leave the country and start again, build a life worth living make our children proud of you.

 Mother will have to come a private arrangement to obtain child support and access children can be obtained in return.

The family court, solicitors, csa can go screw themselves they can't touch you.


Topic starter Posted : 06/08/2021 3:32 pm
Active Member Registered

That sounds interesting James, 


So after a divorcee, three family court orders, and a two CSA appeals tribunals , has the experience proved to be a positive one for your children, your wife and yourself ? 

How much of your money that should have gone toward the development of your children has been given to the legal profession ? 

I wonder

Topic starter Posted : 07/08/2021 9:34 am
World Traveller
Active Member Registered



My ex tried to block the divorce which is why it took so long.  Marriage certificate was hidden so I had obtain another which took a while as wedding was not in the UK.

Then jumped from one solicitor to another (4 in total) as not getting her own way in the courts.  Total legal costs were over £50K.  Money which ex could have had in her own pocket as cost to myself is the same regardless of who received the money. For some reason she was unable to work out that the more spent on legal the less there would be left at the end to share. 

A recent divorce cost a couple £600K in fees and they ended up with £5K each!  If one, or both, the partners are determined to destroy the other there is not a lot solicitors can do about it.  I found it difficult to believe that she was badly advised by four different law firms in a row.  When it was over my solicitor advised that ex's solicitor said that ex took very little advice on board. 

Had courts agreed to ex demands I would have zero and all earnings would have gone to ex.  Thankfully the UK courts do not consider such outcomes as fair.  Ex ended up worse off as judge at final hearing ruled that the legal costs should be deducted from the settlement figure as I had made more than a fair offer when I first filed for divorce.

Son is doing well at school and wants for nothing from myself.  However, since divorce proceeding began 8 years ago his mother has prevented him from seeing his grandparents and myself as much as possible.  Grandparents maybe see him twice per year even though they only live 30 minutes drive away.  I keep in contact via mobile and WhatsApp.

He will soon be 16 and not require permission from his mother if he wants to see me or travel abroad to see his half sister or wherever I am working at the time.

I have moved on and have new partner.  Son is okay and not disadvantaged in any way.  Stepdaughter left home in 2012 to go to University and now works outside the UK.

Ex is the angry loser and has used son as weapon in the past to get her own back, but as he gets older he will move on like his half sister.  

First CMS appeal was dismissed as after one year the court ordered child maintenance is superseded by CMS assessment.  The court order child maintenance was higher than it should have been as was the spousal maintenance, but I was happy to pay in the short term to proof to the courts that I had been reasonable.  It worked as judge agreed that courts should never have been involved taking into account the generous offer made.

CMS first tier appeals do not require legal involvement so there are no costs to myself or ex.  So, thankfully no money being given to legal that could go to child instead.

Second appeal is a mystery as I don't yet know the grounds of appeal.





Posted : 07/08/2021 1:02 pm

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