Really looking for some advice,
I separated a few years back from my ex who I had 2 kids with. Since then I have got married to my wife now who at the beginning was fine with the known fact that I had 2 kids. It seems that as the days go by her acceptance is getting worse and worse and I suddenly feel torn between her and my kids. I want to love them the way they deserve but my wife seems to get upset and negative when they are around. It is affecting the way I parent I find myself being short with them more often or I try to take time with just my kids away from my wife so I can be a proper dad to them.
i love my wife like crazy and I don’t want our marriage to be negatively affected but I need to be a positive dad to my kids and I am carrying such a heavy weight trying to find the balance. I have never expected my wife to step in and be the ideal step mom. All I ever want is just for her to be present and involved. My kids adore her and want to be around her when I have them with us.
i guess the advice I’m looking for is how do I properly balance this life mess I seem to have created. How do I navigate keeping everyone happy. And loved properly
hi,
how often are you seeing the kids? I do not have experience of this situation so can only offer general advice. I think naturally your kids will come first. Your wife was aware of your situation before marrying you, so she basically knew what she was signing up for, I hope. I think she should be more understanding. If it's awkward for her, she could maybe keep a distance, and then on the weekends/days you don't have the kids staying with you, she can make the most of that and spend time with you alone. Does she want kids of her own?
@bill337 I have my kids alternating. Weeks and every other weekend. In the beginning it was every weekend which put a lot of strain on my wife and I because it gave us no time alone. This way gives us equal time. And yes she does want a child of her own. In the beginning it was not an option for us. But I could see that it was something she wanted to be an option in our future. I did What I needed to do to make it an option again for me to be able to give that to her. But now when we talk about trying the resentment comes out and she’s upset that Ive experienced all of it before so it won’t mean anything to me in her eyes.
You need to talk it through with your wife, and perhaps suggest you go four counselling, such as Relate - it's better to seek help before it gets bad rather than after.