Hello pre covid my son always took his overnight bag for contact with me in to school with him. Covid restrictions prevented this, so I had to start going to my ex girlfriends parents to pick up or drop off the bag, obviously not ideal as they hate me and I’m not to keen on them, OR my ex’s boyfriend would do the hand over at the school gate. Lately my ex has started turning up to do the hand over and this is really not suitable to me, I don’t really want to see her at all, as it causes friction and upsets my son. I’ve spoke to my son age 8 and he just said the bag is heavy but he had no problem taking it in to school, I told my ex this but she’s having none of it and wants us to keep meeting at the school gate on the days my sons is with me. As I said pre covid he always took it in to school and he has no problems doing that now.
what can I do about this?
thank you
hi,
I think you should arrange an appointment to speak to the headteacher to discuss these issues and how it is causing tensions. I don't understand why your ex is present at school if your due to pick up or drop your son that day.
Neither do I. But since she has started turning up there has been nothing but grief. She worked at the school, so I’m always a bit cautious of speaking to them, but if need be I will ask them about this. I’m sending another email reply to her this morning as I’m due to pick my son up later. My son has no problem taking his bag to school, she has given no reason why he can not take it in to school.
thank you for reply
@jnny - as a matter of interest, what is in the bag? Can you replicate everything at your end, so there is no need for a bag at all?
Hello
Clean school uniform a teddy bear and a book that she writes notes in.
I did use to have a spare uniform at mine, she said she didn’t like the way I washed and ironed his uniform, so she insisted on providing it. The teddy bear never comes out of the bag, she blames that on me as well. My son has loads of teddies at my home. There is no way she will stop sending her communication book, she must have loads of them she’s being filling it in for 8;years. All of this things are her way of having control. I’m still meeting her or her boyfriend at the school gate or going to her parents to pick up the ‘bag’. Also because I dared to try and change this she has attacked me from all angles, his teeth are not clean, his hair not brushed properly etc
dealing with a narcissist is tiring.
thank you for reply.
@jnny the mischievious side of me wonders what would happen if you didn't send it back. Probably not worth the aggravation though.
@actd sorry for delay in replying.tried that she came to pick it up from my house, which is fine by me. This is still going on. I’ve told her that it is court ordered that i return our son to school and that I don’t want to see her at the school gate or for her to approach our son. I said again that our son would take the bag in to school, she is saying he doesn’t want to and we must act like adults and do this for him. I’m sorry but we are ex’s she’s done horrendous things to me to try and stop me from having any contact with my son. 2 years in the courts£10k in costs. Her father threatened me constantly and was adamant me and her should never be left alone. But now because she wants her own way, she wants to meet me at the school gate or tells me to go to her parents house to pick up the bag. She wasn’t there yesterday and it was lovely and relaxing saying goodbye to my son. But then another email telling me she will be there for bag..... how do I tell her to not be at the school gate, to allow me my last bit of contact alone with my son, to not come over and grab him, hold on to him, ask him if he is ok over and over?
sorry to keep this going but I’m at wits end, I just want it back to not seeing her like before. I don’t want to keep being reminded off the past.
sorry to keep this going but I’m at wits end, I just want it back to not seeing her like before. I don’t want to keep being reminded off the past.
I suppose it's a matter of what needs to be done to restore calm on your side. I'm not really up to speed on Non molestation orders, but that might be something to get advice on, and whether it could work under the circumstances. Alternatively, you could record any instances where you encounter your ex, legally you may need to inform her that you are doing so (again, I'm not clear on this) if you intend that it might be used in court, but the simple fact that she knows you are recording might modify her behaviour in any event, so the extent that you don't need to do anything further.
Quick update. She only went and bought him another school bag. So now he has 2. We’ve gone from 1bag being too heavy, to now he takes one in to school and I have to collect the overnight bag !! It really is ridiculous. I’ve just had mediation ready for court hearing, I told them about this, he actually asked me if she was unwell, mentally. He then went on about parent alienation and her controlling ways etc.
ok. i thought it would be a bit sensible like you have 1 bag, and ex keeps 1 bag. very odd.