Toxic ex. My fiancé and I have been together for several years and my kid has always got along fine with her. However, over the last few months my ex has turned my kid against my fiancé and my kid now refuses to see me if my fiancé is there. I also recently gave my kid a photo album as a gift. My finance was in one of the family photos and my kid has even asked me not to send any photos with my fiancé in it. This is causing a lot of issues and I don’t know how to deal with it.
Hello Daddy101,
Thank you for sharing your situation. It isn't mentioned anywhere in your thread how old your child is? or how long you and your fiancee have been together, but here are some pointers that may help you, and for you to think about, for when you next have contact with your child.
1. Offer reassurance to your child. Change can be very unsettling for any of us, if you can don't be afraid to tell them that you love and care for them very much.
2. A photo album sounds like a lovely idea, perhaps your child feels it is too soon for a picture of you and your fiancee in it? For now, why not take it out and suggest that it stays with you until they are ready for it to go in the album. This shows them that you are observing and considering how they are feeling.
3. Try to be as patient as you can, not always easy, I appreciate that.
4. Keep talking to one another - communication is essential, try to be as honest as you can be - age appropriate - ask your child how they feel about your new relationship, try to see of there is something you could all do together that your child has suggested, encourage them to talk, and always let them know that they are loved and valued.
I hope that this helps, kind regards, Fegans Parent Support Volunteer.
We have been together for 8 years, so for 7 years there wasn’t an issue but now there suddenly is (my ex hates my fiancé). My kid is a teenager. If it was a new relationship I could understand, but we have been together for a long time.
How long have you actually been engaged, as opposed to just being together? If recent, could that have been the trigger?
We’ve been engaged for a long time, so that can’t be the trigger. My ex bad mouths me and my fiancé to my kid a lot. The trigger was when my kids mum said that they had refused to see me , but when I asked my kid about this (in order to help) they said they hadn’t and that my fiancé and I were lying about their mum! This then caused their mum to send an email stating she was stopping my kid from seeing my fiancé. If I try and speak to my kid, they just say they don’t want to talk about it. It’s a logistical nightmare as it means I have no where to take my kid and have to choose between them and my fiancé at family gatherings.
Do you have a court order in place? that should go a long way towards putting a stop to all this nonsense.
Yes I do. I’ve avoided returning to court as I’ve had a lot of health issues, but I don’t think I have any choice but to enforce it as things are getting ridiculous.
Yes, enforce. She can try to go to a judge and tell him she stopped contact because she's jealous of another woman.
Problem is my kid has been brainwashed and says that he doesn’t want to see my fiancé, but can’t give me any good reason why.