Hi all,
this is my first post on the forum and I think really I am writing this to seek some advice from others who may have gone through a similar change.
I am soon to be leaving my 3 kids due to issues which are becoming unreconciled between my partner and I.
This isn't the first time I have had to leave about two years ago things got so bad between us I had to break the cycle and decided it was best that we split up as four years had gone by and we were continuously arguing about the same subjects and not moving forward, it was just groundhog day.
After I had moved out I spent 3 of the loneliest months by myself trying to repair my mind and soul to become a better person and father to my step daughter and 4 year old daughter.
i was doing good until the news came that my then recent ex was nearly 4 months pregnant. It completely threw me into a pit of despair and back to a place I had just pulled myself out of.
At this time my ex and I had no relationship I was told I would be seeing my daughter every other weekend (no weekly contact) and my step daughter didn't want to know me.
I felt helpless as she had decided to keep the baby so for the rest of the pregnancy we lived apart but slowly we started to try and work things out until one day we decided all to move back in with each other as a family.
For the first 6 months it was great, fresh start new beginnings and the most incredible little boy has now appeared in our lives.
However, what was never resolved were our underlying issues between my partner and I and slowly but surely they have reared their head and we are back to full war cry arguments.
We don't have any emotional or physical contact anymore, I sleep on the sofa and my step daughter told me she never wanted to move in with me again and hates me been here as she thinks I am the sole reason her mum is always upset.
I'm so broken inside, so fed up of always been the one who is in the wrong, so fed up of having to prove myself to other people, fed up of been accused, and fed up of arguing about things that happened 5-6 years ago but still to this day get thrown in my face.
I feel so guilty about leaving as we all moved to a new area, nice big house with a fresh start in mind but it feels like our issues can't be resolved and the only way we can ever get along is to be apart.
I love my kids so much and it will tear me apart not seeing them everyday and night but I don't know what else to do.
Sorry for the length of the post.
Hi There,
.
By the sounds of things when things between you are good they are great, but it's the past issues that are causing the problem, if you want to stay together than they need to be addressed,
.
Have you thought about counselling, they could help you to try and resolve the issues from the past and find a way to move past them, It's got to be worth a try if you really want things to work.
.
GTTS
I would certainly recommend you try counselling to see if there's a way through this - it won't be a quick fix, and you may need to go back periodically for a refresh, but somehow, from your post, I'm not convinced that there isn't a way back.
Hi Andy,
If you both want this to work then I too suggest counselling. My GF and I had a period where communication between the two of us was very difficult and this extended into our physical relationship too. So we decided to nip it in the bud.
Honest, constructive communication can be a very difficult thing to achieve and takes a lot of practice. And this goes both ways - listening and responding to anything a partner has to say can be challenging.
My GF and I used a charity called Relate ( https://www.relate.org.uk/)
They were very helpful and if you are struggling with cash-flow have a means-tested service.
By the sounds of it it needs to be both of you, and possibly your children too (your step-daughter) that need to talk things through with a mediator. My experience took about a year to work through and my advice would be that patience is also needed in addition to honesty.
Good luck