I wasn't sure where to post this...
CAFCASS are calling me tomorrow morning for a safeguarding interview.
I have a load of stuff I need to tell them bullet-pointed in a word doc, ready to go.
As I was making my notes I remembered I have a video of my ex abusing me, when were in a relationship. I'm unsure whether I should make CAFCASS aware of it as it it is filmed in a way that out of context could be paint me in a negative light.
Basically, during one of my ex's rages when she was doing her psychological, emotional, and verbal abuse, I was in so much emotional pain that I dropped to the floor and was crying hysterically. My ex was screaming at me to stop, telling me I was pathetic, etc. But because I wouldn't stop - I guess she was afraid the neighbours might hear as I was next to the front door at the time - she went to filming it as a last resort to quieten me. She basically got her phone out and hit record and started saying she was filming it so people could see how horrible I was, all the while calling me useless and pathetic, etc. So she was trying to frame me, I guess. In the video, whilst crying I am trying to prove my case for being a nice person and a great dad (which I now know is pointless with an abuser).
For me, I know what happened there, and it's glaringly obvious. But would CAFCASS/the court see it that way? Or would they see it as a grown man crying hysterically, who is perhaps emotionally unstable?
I emailed my solicitor to ask for her advice back along, but she never replied (and she doesn't answer her phone), and she's now away for a week. Any thoughts on what I should do with this video would be appreciated. It should be noted that this is historic. We broke up 4.5 years ago and have already been through one court case. I only discovered the video recently otherwise I may have used it back then.
If you're wondering how I have possession of the video. My ex used to use my laptop, uploaded the video to it and forgot about it.
Also, it's just occurred to me - the police have some records of things that went on in the relationship and since then. Should I hand this over to them?
Sorry, I've only just picked this up, how did the cafcass interview go?
Generally, I would advise not to drag up historic incidents, what did you decide to do?
Cafcass have access to police records, so would probably be aware of any incidents in the past.
I haven't done anything with the video. I feel Cafcass will spin it on it's head somehow. I still have it though, and will try and get answer on it from my solicitor when she comes back from leave next week (she doesn't answer her phone, and avoided the question when I emailed her previously). More than anything I am wondering if I should just hand it over to the police, to build on the records they have of my ex if nothing else.
I think it was probably better not to have tried to give it to CAFCASS,more so if you think it might be misconstrued. They may not have accepted it anyway.
In family cases, it's often better to let go of things that happened that long ago, even though it may still affect you.
You should use it in court.
That’s not how the courts work in this country... a video that is years old wouldn’t carry any weight and would be looked upon as historic. Attempts to introduce it may be seen as vexatious.
First of all, I’m sorry for what you went through, that experience is just horrible and no one should be put through that kind of abuse.
I agree with Mojo as far as the family court goes, do not introduce that video now.
However, you could open a new complaint with the police for domestic abuse and submit that video as evidence. The police may pass it on to the CPS who may find it is enough evidence for a domestic violence prosecution against your ex in criminal ( not family ) court.
Hi,
I may do that. It's definitely what I would like to do. My worry is that my ex recorded it to try and make me look like the one who was going nuts in the relationship. In my eyes, the video clearly shows that. My worst nightmare would be someone, the police, for example not seeing that and falling for me ex's attempt to frame me. I guess it's hard to say how likely it is that would happen. Could almost do with someone else taking a look but not sure who. As I've said, my solicitor isn't being a great help at the moment, and my dad is the only other person aware of its existence. But I don't think he wants to see it (understandably, because it's his son receiving abuse), otherwise he would have offered to take a look.
As above - attempts to bring new evidence to light now may just make things worse. It sounds like a lot has happened since then and you need to focus on moving forward - that is always the court's aim too
I agree. I was just wondering whether the police themselves should have it on file.
There's no hard or fast rules about it. You can always sit on it in case you need it in future - ie if there is any further need for police involvement?