Hi All,
I'm currently going through a messy divorce and don't know where to turn, I don't currently have the money for professional advice. I'd greatly appreciate any advice from any of you that's been through a similar situation before as I don't know where to turn at the moment. Let me give you a bit of background on the situation.
She announced in June this year that she is seeing someone else and wants a divorce after 14 years of marriage and two children, both girls, aged 6 and 9.
I am in £33k worth of debt currently from various loans and credit cards, this money was spent over the years on things that the family benefited from, such as a car and holidays etc. The total monthly repayments for this unsecured debt amounts to around £1300.
We have a mortgage on the house that she does not want to sell, the total for this including gas and electric, council tax etc amounts to £1919.86.
Then we can add another £800 on top of this for food, and travel expenses.. totaling £4k per month.
She currently works a part-time job, 10 hours per week at a school which earns her £500 per month. She also works as a volunteer at the same school
I take home £5k per month, which leaves £1.5k a month. This was manageable when we were together but is nowhere near enough for me to leave the family home and find a place of my own.
We have started the divorce proceedings, but have no financial agreement in place. The kids are at school full time and there is a support strucutre in place with family that can help with childcare if required, but she is refusing to stop working at this school and take on a job with more hours and money.
Using the CMS calculator I would have to pay £1035 in CMS to her every month based on my salary and me seeing the girls every other weekend, which leaves me with £500 per month!
Where can I go from here, I cannot see any options at all for me to move out of the home.
She is extremely nasty and is making my life absolute [censored] at home and has openly said that she is taking Tinder dates back to the house whilst I am at work.
It's impossible to talk to her about the idea of her working more without her flying off the rails and she has attacked me physically multiple time. One such incident I have video footage of and she left me with a cut in my eye.
How do I get out of this terrible situation?
The welfare of my children is extremely important of course but I cannot provide for them if I am homeless.
Hi,
Am not experienced with financial matters but a common scenario is if ex partner is refusing to sell house/split equity, then as last resort you could take legal route and push for the courts to force a sale. As it sounds like your financial position is so strained and you would struggle to live if you moved into a private rental accomodations. With house sale you would be able to get a decent amount and can use that to house yourself and kids in future. I have come across experienced paralegals that can deal with these matters at reduced cost, like £500-1000. I can get you in touch with one if your interested. I would not recommend self representing in financial proceedings.
Have you had any kind of discussion with your ex about child arrangements, whether they will live with her as main carer, or a 50/50 arrangements?
I'm very sorry to hear you're in that situation which must be extremely difficult. There is a guide to finances on divorce on the advicenow.org.uk website but it is a specialist subject so you will need advice. The guide may give you an idea what to expect. You are suffering from domestic abuse and I suggest you speak to Mankind, the domestic abuse helpline for men or perhaps there is a charity locally which supports victims of domestic abuse. It is more common for men than you may think and there is no shame in it. You can google it and see what help there is. You may be able to get some counselling to help you through this.