Thank you all for your help, I asked the question last week, and as expected I got a barrage of verbal abuse, and a refusal as well.
The dates don't add up. I feel totally awful writing all this I just don't know what to do, I have sent her literally thousands of my money, that doesn't even bother me it's more the fact that she has lied to me throughout this.
What should I do guys? Something isn't right and hasn't been throughout any if this
Thank you
Chieftain, it sounds like you have made the decision to do something about this as you feel the dates don't add up and something doesn't feel right.
In which case as Bill mentioned you need to get the ball rolling to dispute parentage and follow the relevant court process, form C63 etc.
I'm sure there are guys on here who can support you through it. Don't delay as with it playing on your mind it can lead to unintended situations.
No matter what you decide you must ensure that you stay on the right side of the law and do not give your ex any reason to raise allegations against you. As if you do go down the route of disputing parentage and your ex is adamant that you are the father, it can be a traumatic experience (going through the courts) and if it does transpire you are the father then any allegations could result in a loss of contact which would cause a lot of heart ache.
Easier said than done, but could I not just say to her get the test done first otherwise I'm going to stop giving you money, my last week has been traumatic enough, but it's the impact on the child as well
Unfortunately not, there is no legal obligation on her to get a test done unless you go through the court process as explained. This would then place a legal obligation on her to get a test done.
However, until the test is done you still have a legal obligation to make payment of Child Maintenance.
Otherwise everyone would stop paying, asking for a test, causing delays and hardship for children who could actually be theirs.
I've no idea how long the process takes, I'm sure someone else can advise but the sooner you get the ball rolling the sooner you will know. Plus you have to factor in any covid related delays and any delaying tactics your ex decides to use too..
Check this:
On page 13:
If the receiving parent refuses to take the test, we can close the case.
This means the person named as the parent will not have to pay any
more child maintenance through us for that child.
this reminds me other other post:
Hull dad who paid £38,000 in child maintenance forced to keep paying even after he was told 'daughter' isn't his
https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/dwp-dad-paid-child-maintenance-4261219
Bad as the principle is, they are sticking correctly to the rules in that case - the maintenance only stops from the point where CMS are notified that there is a dispute in parentage, and in that case, the payments did stop. The reason for the continued payments is because arrears are still due.
What there needs to be is some way to be able to claim back payments that have been made where it becomes clear the dad paying isn't actually the dad - in theory the small claims court should be the way to do it, but I doubt that a court would rule against the mother.
I have had no contact with her since asking the question last week, just apart from guilt tripping me, I stupidly sent her a ridiculous amount of money afterwards she hasn't even acknowledged it, she's been having 250 minimum off me a month, never agreed, plus more when "I haven't got any money" and she comes asking so sometimes more like 400 a month.
Shall I arrange this with the CMS myself? as this just doesn't feel right. She isn't giving me any answers either. Money given I'm not bothered about it's the principle now.
Thanks for your help everyone
Hu Chieftain, absolutely get the ball rolling. No more payments until you know for certain via a DNA test but put the money to one side so that it can be paid if the test comes back positive.
Do not delay. The fact that you have continued to pay (and haven't applied to the court immediately) tells me that although you have doubts you believe that actually child is yours.
Although the small claims is the place to claim back funds i can't see this route being successful. Your ex needs to have breached an agreement in this case knowingly lied to you about parentage and unless you have evidence to prove this I'm afraid she can just say she believed child is yours and I can't imagine a court finding against the mother.
Good luck.
Honestly, the dates do not add up, if I count backwards from birth it honestly looks like she was pregnant before we even started talking. I feel terrible saying that but that's what the dates say, and I do know that the child was born late as well, I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm not, that is the main reason for my doubts.
Thank you
Just to add to this she has completely *refused* to allow a DNA test to be done
I'd wait to see if she gives the same request to the CMS as per your dispute, if so then no further payments will be required.
Wait for her response to your court action aswell now.