Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents
Received first CM l...
Clear all

Received first CM letter - what are my next steps?

Eminent Member Registered

My ex and I have one young teenage child and for the last 10 years I've been making a voluntary payment each month. I also pay for most clothes, school trips etc.


My ex hasn't taken good care of our child at times. He goes to school with holes in his shoes for example. Instead of buying new ones she just leaves it until I notice and I go and buy them. When our child has been sick she hasn't taken him to a GP - many times he has had sore throats and she doesn't do anything and I have to get involved.


Now I have a letter that she is starting a claim for CMS.

My initial reaction is to immediately request 50/50 care - the only reason it's not was because in the past I couldn't do it with work travel but now I can.


So that's step one and puts the whole CMS claim to bed (maybe) - and it would be nice to have more time with my child.

The next step (if that doesn't address things) is to go for a court order. Also to raise welfare concerns with the school and local authority. I'm not sure about this bit though - I was thinking of it anyway because I do have genuine concerns but worried that it could all go horribly wrong.

Third step is to pursue the fact that she takes our child abroad without my consent. This is me being reactive to the situation I know but I feel very angry that after all these years I've let things go along without any fuss and now this!


What's triggered it? Well, she asked me as she does ever year to contribute to holiday flights. I've always said no as I pay my own way for holidays and things. So again I've said no and now we are where we are.


So ignoring my nonsense above, because it is just me being reactive, what are the sensible steps. What is the calm rational thing to do? Is requesting 50/50 actually sensible (I want it anyway) and could she refuse it? Should I really pursue welfare issues or is that just going to cause even more chaos?


I guess I'm frustrated that after all these years with it being me that sorts things out now this. I feel like I'm being betrayed for being so nice and just sorting things out for the better good of our child.


Thank you

Topic starter Posted : 28/06/2024 10:41 pm
Illustrious Member

hi, how old is child? if 15/16 then courts are very unlikely to make an order, as child can decide how much time they want to spend with parents. also there is no default 50/50 in law, and it can be difficult to achieve through courts, when one parent is not agreeable.

Posted : 29/06/2024 1:55 pm
Eminent Member Registered

Hi - child has just turned 14 and ideally would like 50/50 when I've asked how they feel things are going and what changes they would like parents to consider.


I've just had a first MIAM session and the ex has been invited to hers but so far hasn't responded. Similarly I've put together a draft parenting plan which has also been ignored for the 3rd time.

Even the counsellor appeared baffled as to why the mum would take money in favour of me doing all the things that she doesn't do and hasn't done for the last 14 years.

I also asked mum to stop the CMS process while we work together to find a new plan but there was no response to that also.

Is there really nothing a dad can do when he is willing and able to care for his child and the mother refuses to let him do so?

I said our child could spend all summer with me and she just point blank refused. I don't even live far away - maybe 25 minutes which my child has been doing for the last four years without so much as a complaint.

I'm not understanding how two people having parental consent isn't an equal thing - it's madness.


Topic starter Posted : 06/07/2024 10:21 am
Illustrious Member

@allovertheplace you could try court and ask them to take child  wishes and feelings into account.

Posted : 06/07/2024 6:43 pm
Honorable Member

if you wish to tae the court route, there is useful information on the process on the website

Posted : 07/07/2024 8:44 pm

Pin It on Pinterest