Hello dads I need to speak out to get some closure on my current situation this isn't me but my rcently ex partner ( ss asked us to separate) not our choice. He was involved in a fact finding in 2011 where a child was seriously injured and took the child to the hospital him and the mother were in the pool of perpotrators from what I am told...they also found an old injury so they were in the pool for that and the new injury he got the blame for ( he is currently trying to get the judgement to see the actual judgement he was 20 at the time and I don't think he New how much this would affect him later on in life. He told me his version of what happend and I strongly believe that because he wasn't the child's father and also he has been involve with the police before ( when he was younger) he was blamed for causing the injuries...since I have been with him which is 4 years he has been great and had taken alot of [censored] from me ( I had demons of my own loosing my child to an abusive ex) people advised me to end it when I got with him (caffcass) and I refused he was not violent or aggressive and I am glad I gave him that chance...4 years we have been happy and have had our moments of verbal domestic which was my fault......he was never charged with the nai because there was not enough evidence from the police to say it was him ( he was babysitting so surley if it was him he would have been charged) but I know this is a funny thing to go through and i do believe people can be accused of things when it hasn't been done it's happend to me so I know but I could be wrong my point is he has been great and even around children j has never once been out of line....this year we had a baby ss got involved because of me he moved out at this point because we were scared his past would go agaisnt us sw told me to stop pushing him away and allow him to be involved and I wanted him to anyway so he moved back in net the worker no concerns everything was great...2 weeks later new workers got involved asked him to leave asked us to separate and now he is having supervised contact I am so angry and need advice of someone who might have done through this before anyone because surley people who have been involved in something like that are able to move on and atleast try and be happy settle down and have a family he was at the birth and with US for 7 weeks and he was brilliant but now everything has changed I can't stand by his side because they will say I am 'failing to protect' but surley there has to be a way around this I am really hoping they will assess him and eventually allow us to be together again. We do have a bit of a history on there records but nothing to serious other than this NAI...I've read if it went to court they could not use this NAI agaisnt him as this is a new child new circumstances...he has past dv on his record but never been charged I don't think. We all do things and I can't comment on how he was but how he has been. He denies ever hurting a woman and I do belivee him because I can be a [censored] handful at times and he has always been my rock it's all so upsetting but mainly what can he do? How can he fix this? They mentioned at the child protection confrenece for him to do risk assesment and parenting classes and violence courses but if he did pass these would they allow us to become a family again? He has no one other than me I was his family and he was mine i do have family who are letting him sleep at theres but this is only short time. I've had to stop.communication as I am to scared they will take baby there even going agaisnt me but I just wanted him to be given a chance. Has anyone experienced this scenario before? Any advice would be greatly appritiayed. He isn't a monster and I wouldn't be posting if I thought he was I just need advice please anyone x
Hi there
You're in a very difficult situation, but my advice would be to do as the SW is asking, at least he is getting supervised contact, which is a good first step.
As far as the DV courses, he would have to admit to being a perpetrator to be allowed onto the course, which would be a hard choice if he is maintaining that he hasn't used any form of DV, it has been a stumbling block for a few of our members that were falsely accused of it.
It might be helpful for him to speak to the Family Rights Group, they are experienced in dealing with parents and children where there is Social Services involvement. Here's a link, there's a helpline number that you will find on the website.
www.frg.org.uk
All he best
Thanks for getting back to me, we are both doing as we have been told although ss told us to separate then the iro said they can't force us but we don't even want to argue for them to say ok well if you dont want to comply let's go to court that's my biggest fear because I doubt we would win in court not many people do. He has been made compelty homeless because of this is trying to get into a hostel he had to sell his possesions it's all a mess and just the way they have done things as I said first worker gave us the all clear now the new ones are being horrible even about me. I understand he was involved in a serious thing he actually contacted the mother who was also involved ( she fled to Blackpool so she could have a new life) he asked her about the old injury and she stated it's nothing to do with you I don't have to explain myself to you...not to mention she was speaking to him for 20 mins over Facebook and did not sound angry one bit it's like she said well the judge said it was you so it means it's true but she would have known if it was not her then it would have been him she made it clear she New about the old injury which they were both blamed and an never took the child for medical attention....it was left to heal which is disgusting my son is 3 months now and I could never dream of being so heartless and I am so mad because I just feel she has caused the injuries and now we are all having to suffer. I don't know if he could appeal and take this back to court for a judicial review..I'm the one on groups and trying to find a way out of this he prefers to keep things to himself...I want to hopefully one day I know not now but even a year or two years in the future for us to be a family again he was great with.me and his son and it breaks my heart nowing he can't be with his dad like he was before we as a couple were not bad he is 26 I am 27 we both worked and enjoyed family life his only down fall is he can be a little lazy but other than that we were a good team and he was my best friend I know I sound so cheesy and probably silly but it frustrates me how people can come into your home and separate you all like that and because they are higher than us we don't even want to argue incase they take our baby...bevause I can't argue for him I don't no what the out come will be ideally I want him to be assessed and risk assessed and to do the courses and I will to but for the end result for them to allow us to be together again like it was before we had 2 incidents ourselfs with a verbal domestic ( we had to much to drink and I was being hysterical so he called the police to calm me down even that is being mentioned but everyone argues and bickers i wish I never drank then but I had recently lost my eldest child to an abusive ex so I did have my down days and unfortuamly he took the bull [censored] but it's like there making him out to be a monster he can't even take them to court can he unless we pay? I just want things to go back to normal because doing this to us is not fair but no one I can't find who has been through this, so they can expalin what might happen could be be forced to have supervised contact all his life?
... it sounds like you're both having an awful time of it, I would contact the Family Rights Group and see what they can advise, they will be able to explain what options there are and what the best course of action is for you both. As you don't have an ongoing court case, you could try asking your local MP for help, if you feel you've been unfairly treated.... it's wrong to move the goal posts and doesn't give you any confidence in the system.
All the best