Child complaining about mum and not being allowed to play
Good morning all,
Finally I have been able to pass a week with my 5 years old son after a year now! (F... Covid!):-)
During his week with me he started talking about his mum (no, unfortunately I didn't record it as unexpected!), while in the car he said: "Mummy is not always nice with me".
And then:" I think she doesn't like my toys", "She throws my toys in the rubbish even if I like them most and they are not broken", "I only have in my room boring things like books", " I made a map for going tip toes to the off limit room and take my toys"....
After trying to understand I found out that they have a spare room in their house, always open, but off limit for my son in which his mum uses to keep his toys closed in boxes not allowing him to use them.
And, I did understand that she use to throw in the rubbish the toys I send him and my presents.
Whenever he wants to play with something he needs his mum permission and her to give him the toys he requested.
He also said that when he will have his own house he will put his mum and his companion computers and phones in his off limits rom and will not allow them to get in. Quite "hard" though for a 5 years, apparently happy, boy.
I always noted during the videocalls that my son was always playing with silly things like: pens, lanyards, old credit cards, magazines, piece of papers...very rarely I saw him playing (in occasion of Christmas or his birthday); but I never gave it much importance.
During the week with me, he was obsessed by toys and by playing! waking up every day early for playing (like if it was Christmas day!) not willing to go out for keeping playing; not eating much for rushing back to play...I took him to a Zoo, to an amazing museum for children but not...he wasn't interested at all but in his toys.
I took him to visit for few hours some friends but he wanted to go back home for playing with his toys.
I took him to his grandparents (3 years they didn't see him) and after 30 minutes he asked me to go back home to his toys... (this time I managed to convince him thanks to the amount of toys my parents bought and saved for him during the last 3 years!!).
I know that he is a young boy but isn't it kind of weird? Obsessed due to something he is continuously missing.
Is there anything I can do?
The cafcass has already done a year ago their report and they were "super happy" about that time situation and of course, they just had bad comments for the father.
The Judge has always been and is still on the mum side whatever is happening....
I don't know if to do something at this point or not for the best interest of my son, but trust me, he didn't seems as happy when describing the events as he looks like at first impression...
Thank you in advance for your help...and thank you for reading!
i know yr not happy about yr child being upset, but you need to understand he will never be the same person compared to if both parents were together.
when theres conflict the children adapt to being different people, because at that age they dont know how to register things in their mind.
complaining about the mother being nasty or withholding toys to cafcass or judge wont get you anywhere, cos mother will just say all he wants to do is play and doesnt do homework, so i dont let him play with toys till homework or reading is done; for example. hope you get my drift. cafcass or judge wont see this as abuse, but as mud slinging and it wont get you anywhere either.
you just need to find a way where you make your boy happy with the time he has with you, after a while you will find the right balance, these things arent easy.
I agree with vik2001. We have to accept that separated parents have different parenting styles. We have no control over what goes on in the other house. I would suggest you watch these videos. I found them extremely helpful: