Hi, I posted in this forum years ago about my ex partner and daughter.
My daughter is now 9. Her mother has constantly been causing problems and stopping me seeing my daughter even though there is a court order saying I have to see her Saturday 10-6.
Some times I'd see her daily after school, weekends for as long as we wanted. But some times I didn't see her for months, 9 months was thet longest.
It all depended on what the mother wanted.
During this time mother would wake daughter up at 1-2 in the morning and tell her she was, taking a overdose and to call me, daughter would panic and text me to come round ASAP. Which I did.
This went on for years.
Two weeks ago it happened again and my daughter was up at her bedroom window as I got to the house and I thought this can't go on any longer so called the police. Police turned up with the ambulance. Took her to hospital and sent daughter with me.
Mother came out of hospital next day. Social services visited me and are happy for daughter to live with me.
Mother said daughter can live with me.
Me and daughter had a week of peace.
Saturday came and mother asked to see daughter, daughter did not want to go to see mother. I persuaded daughter to go a visit mother.
Ad soon as daughter entered her mothers house the mother locked the door and removed the key and said daughter isn't going back to me.
Daughter was upset. And even tried to climb out of her upstairs bedroom window but couldn't open the safety catch.
Daughter would text me constantly and was in a right state.
Week later mother allowed daughter to see me as per court order. When it got to time to go home my daughter was panicking and text her mother she wants to live with dad. Mother replied no u have to live with me etc
Daughter replied, you don't know but I want to kill myself.
Mother replied she's going to phone the police because she is worried about her welfare.
Daughter replied she's happy with dad, but she'll kill herself if made to go back to mothers house.
I said OK to daughter and didn't force her to go to mother's. I phoned social services and explained and they said don't send her back to mothers.
I've been to see social services today and told them daughter refused to go to school because she is scared mother will pick her up. Social services said I have to send her to school.
I went into school and explained. Headteacher said I have to send her to school.
I got the feeling that head teacher is on mother's side because she said it's not up to a 9 year old to choose were she lives and mother has a residency order.
I said true but daughter has threatened to kill herself if she's made to go back to mother so I can't risk sending her to school incase mother picks her up.
I've been to my daughters gp and they have referred her to Camnhs.
I don't know what to do, should I send her to school and hope the school don't let mother take her.
Hi there
This must be so distressing for you and your child.
It's your responsibility to safeguard your child and if she is distressed enough to talk about taking her own life, the authorities should take it seriously.
Without a court order the school would be unable to stop the mother from picking your child up. The only way to stop it is to apply to the court for an urgent, ex parte Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her removal from your care and a Child Arrangements Order for your child to live with you. There are no guarantees, it with the history and previous Social Services advising you to keep her with you, it will help your case.
You would need form C100 to apply for both, if you're on benefits or a low income, you might get an exemption from the court fee, which is usually £215. The form to apply for that is EX160
If you decide to do this it's best to take the completed form into the court in person first thing in the morning as it opens, and explain the urgency, because of your daughters distress and the mothers suicidal behaviour etc. They should get you in front of the judge straightaway.
The sooner you can get some security in place the better, if that means keeping her off school for a couple of days, so be it, is there anyone that you can leave her with when you go to court? It's not appropriate to take her with you really. It's likely the court will make an interim order for her to stay with you, but they will,then contact the mother and set a date for another hearing for her to attend and put her side of things.
Best of luck
Thank you for your reply. It's much appreciated. School and social services are no help at all. I will go now to get the forms from court.
Thanks again
I should have said that as well as the Prohibited Steps Order you should also fill out a C1a form to tell the court about the risks to your child, and as there's a Child Arrangements Order already in place, you would be applying for a variation.to say that your daughter lives with you. Sorry about that. How are you gettting on?
Hi
Mojo has given you excellent advice but wanted to say that I think the headteacher has been a bit short sighted here. An historic court order does not prove that the child is safe with the mother, nor does it mean the child should have the responsibility of deciding their main residence.
The headteacher will probably be the Safeguarding Lead for their organisation and have a duty of care to your child, and should know better.
I hope you got the ex parte hearing and the court will help.
Please let us know how you get on.
Update, spoke to headteacher again she said social services have said nothing is wrong with my daughters mental health and it is a acrimonious custody issue between myself and the ex!
I pointed out I was happy living my life seeing daughter as and when everything was going smoothly with the ex. And I could handle the ex's mood swings to a certain extent but was planning on emigrating to France with my current wife and children before brexit. Now I'm a single dad making pack lunches. And it wasn't me that wanted it this way, my daughter refused to go to her mum's so it's between my daughter and her mum and I will support my daughter.
The headteacher then became "softer" and said she will contact mother and ask her if she would stay away from school because daughter is not coming to school due to fear of mother.
Next day I received a voicemail from the head teacher saying mother is adamant she will be picking daughter up from school and I have no rights to pick daughter up. I went to school to talk to the headteacher who said social services are happy for daughter to live with me so she will put things in place for daughter to come to school later and finish earlier so as to lessen the chance of mum being around and they won't tell mum daughter is in school because mother phones school up every morning to ask if daughter is in school. So daughter is now back in school.
Went to camnhs appointment and their report says same as social services, daughter is ok and acromious custody issues is causing my daughter to speak how she is.
There is no custody issue. Well from me there isn't
I'm happy with life I don't hate the ex I pity her I want her to be happy it's all I ever wanted but she's damaged she was one of these passed around girls to groups of older guys and is nice to horrible controlling men but was horrible and controlling to me but I gave up on her cos she'll never change. I'm happily married with children to a normal woman, own businesses and I am happy and free to do what I want in life with full support from my wife . She's the bitter one living in a rented property with no life, my daughter is now at a age were she's realising the differences between both her parents, O she said to camnhs she wants to live with me cos I make her brush her teeth and make her eat. Unlike her mum that doesn't. See so daughter is seeing what real caring and love is. I always told the ex why always fight? No point be happy cos kids grow up.
Essay over lol
Thanks for the update, good that the school are at least seeing sense! However the things the headteacher has put in place aren't a long term solution and I feel that you should still pursue an order for your daughters change of residency.
Are you still intending to emigrate to France? This may be a fly in the ointment with court though, they may consider its one change too far.
Good to know that your daughter is happier... it's always a worry.
All the best
Did you make an application to court? Just because SS are happy for your daughter to reside with you, that doesn't mean you have legal residency of her.
I'm glad the school are seeing sense, but you do need to formalise this with the court. Otherwise the mother could refuse to return her if she sees her.
Plans for emigrating to France are on hold now due to daughter living with me. I was going to emigrate cos contact with my daughter wasn't consistent, and it was affecting everyone. So I thought fresh start with wife and kids and hope as daughter gets older mum won't be able to control contact. Mum had so much control I even have my wife living in a separate house cos ex said I can't see or have my daughter if my wife is around. And I have to get wife out of the family home. I said to ex OK I will do that but if you still cause problems that's it I'm walking away. I knew she would cause problems regardless but I wanted to believe she would allow some normality. She didn't through.
I've spoken to different women some real "bitches" and they gave me their views and advice from a woman's view. How women use reverse psychology etc it's eye opening!
I'm not applying to court yet I'm just going to leave it. I've not personally got a problem with the ex even though she's been really bad. This is between my daughter and her mum and my daughter is adamant she does not want to see her mum. I still encourage her to see her. But know if she does visit she will not be coming back to me. But daughter won't go and see her mum.
In the past court was a joke, I was seen as bad man. I'm not going back to court for same thing to happen. I'll support my daughter in her choice.
Daughter has been with me a few weeks now and is settled and happy.
Of course, you are best placed to know what to do, just be aware that if your ex does take your daughter, it will be more difficult to get her returned.
It sounds to me that your daughter is better with you, it would be such a shame if the mother took her back again.
All the best
I would also bear in mind that if you don't make a court application to have the situation formalised, if the mother takes you to court, or she removes her and you have to apply, the judge is likely to be cross that you didn't do this straight away.
I've been involved in a few similar cases and it's the first thing the judge will ask.
You might not like what I'm about to say either......at 9, your daughter shouldn't be bearing the weight of these decisions on her shoulders. I go to court a lot with dads who have ex's telling the court 'child doesn't want to see father' & the court's response is almost always that the parents need to make these decisions, not the child.
At the end of the day, only you can decide whether to go to court, but for what my experience is worth, I urge you to do this for your daughter's sake.
I understand that I hadn't thought of it in that way. I thought of it as I apply to court I'll be seen as fighting my ex and it's me wanting to get at my ex and it is a custody battle.
Mother hasn't made contact in a few weeks now.
If mother doesn't make contact and I leave her claiming benefits for daughter she probably will leave us alone. She's done it in the past.
Then I could apply to court?