[Solved] Daughter's friend's parents drinking (heavily?)
I recently took my daughter for a play date with a girl at school she's very fond of and often talks about. I had met the dad before and seemed to get on with him, and I was aware that him and his partner were good friends with another couple, whose daughter my little one sometimes has play dates with.
Whilst my daughter went off playing with her friend for a few hours, I stayed and socialised with the parents. For the most part we got on really well, had lots in common, and it turns out we know a lot of the same people and have probably crossed paths when we were younger. However, there were a couple of things that concerned me. They offered me a drink, and I asked for a glass of water. They both then started drinking (alcohol). In the three hours we were there, dad had drank about 3 gin and tonics, and his partner has drunk 5 glasses of wine. To me this seemed a lot, considering it was a play date with two 6 year olds to look out for, not to mention their 4 month old baby, who was also being breastfed.
As well as this, there was a lot of talk about how they often have a load of their child's friends over, and whilst they are upstairs entertaining themselves, the grownups set up a bar and have a bit of a party and the vibe I got was that a lot of alcohol was consumed. Apparently they did this on their daughter's 6th birthday too. For me, if I'm throwing my daughter a party, it's all about her, and I'd be too busy to be having my own party.
I don't drink these days, and when I did it was before my daughter was born, so I don't really know what it's like to be intoxicated whilst a small child or baby is around. I'm aware, my perspective might be different as a result, as I couldn't imagine doing that personally. A few beers at a family bbq or something, fair enough, go for it, but what are everyone else's views on this situation? Am I being snobbish, overly-anxious, a party pooper? My memories of going to my friends' house never included their parents drinking. Did I just have a particularly alcohol-free childhood?
I noticed as well, that their spirit bottles were all lined up on the radiator in the living room, well in reach of the children. My daughter is very well behaved and her friend seems well adjusted, but the idea of her being their alone in the future - as she has been invited again, makes me nervous. Not to mention that when they were making pizzas for their tea, this woman handed the kids her empty wine bottle to roll the dough.
The other thing was that they swore a lot, even when the kids were in the room. At first I thought it was accidental, then realised they didn't seem to care. Personally, I don't swear in front of my daughter. Am I being snobbish again?
These parents are friends with some of the other parents I associate with, who don't seem like this at all. So it would be hard for me to just cut them out if I didn't approve of them as that could have a large knock-on effect to my daughter's social circle, which I am trying to help expand for her (her mum isn't social and doesn't do play dates and so my daughter has suffered a bit in that area). And considering they've asked for further play dates, a sleepover, and to help pick my daughter up from school, leaves me in a tricky position. Not to mention that if I put everything I've mentioned aside, they seem to be really nice people.
From what you have said, 3 G&T's for him and 5 glasses of wine for her, spread over 3 hours doesn't seem overly excessive (and I'm not one to make light of this - my ex was an alcoholic, so I am particularly averse to drinking to excess), and the bad language is just a fact of life for some people. If your child and their children are safe and cared for, then it doesn't seem to be a problem, but it's certainly worth just being that bit careful.
Agree with actd. It doesn't sound excessive / heavy drinking and a lot of parents get together with their kids and have a drink or two. I guess it's different people's perspectives on things. Maybe be a bit careful but I wouldn't be overtly alarmed.
Hi semifinalist87, I have a somewhat different view on this and one that is similar to yours.
My main concerns would be how intoxicated both parents are/could be towards the latter part of an evening which could pose a risk to your daughter if she ever had a sleepover there.
Also, the mother should not be breastfeeding their newborn baby with so much alcohol in her system. Did you see her feed the baby during the time you were there?
I have been at friendly get-togethers in the past where the alcohol is freely flowing (I don't drink) and the children seem to be forgotten about/left to their own devices as time goes by.
If you are not a big drinker and do not have this in common with this couple, then I would go with your gut instinct and proceed with caution.
That's my opinion anyway.
I totally agree with the views expressed by DeepLoveDad.
Adults drinking and swearing in front of children at what is called a play date for children sounds more like an adult party to me.
They may well be, quote, "really nice people" on an adult to adult level but I personally would question in my own mind how responsible and appropriate their actions and behaviour are when it is a childrens' play date, after all the children are the priority or should be!
You ask, quote, "am I being snobbish .......?" It is not anything to do with being "snobbish."
I believe it is about you personally having appropriate standards that differ from some of the other adults. Consequently giving you cause to have a healthy and natural concern for the welfare of your child when in such company.
You refer to your daughter as, quote, "my little one" so I'm assuming she is still very young. That being the case, I suggest you proceed with caution particularly the suggested "sleepover" and the offer to "pick your daughter up from school." If you are not comfortable with either of these suggestions I personally would not allow it.
Thanks a lot for sharing your story. I also think that it was too much alcohol. Especially,if you were together with 6 years old and 6 months old babies. It was right from your side to drink just water. It just your choose either to drink or not. But I don't think that you have to worry too much. I just would advice those people to drink less next time or to leave children with nurse.
For sure alcohol addiction is something disaster. I’m so sorry those people who prefer to drink alcohol instead of healthy way of life. But if you let yourself to drink one or two glasses of good wine once or twice in a month then I’ll not call as disease. Sometimes alcohol can help you to relieve stress. The most important is to be sure that you know your norm. Also, I’ll never drink alcohol in the presence of babies. You know, my aunt had alcohol problems, and we decided to sent her at https://promis.co.uk/ which has quite good reputation for many years yet. She got treatment there and today my aunt is a healthy woman who enjoys sobriety. So, a lot depends on what is in your head.