Looking for some advice on best way to proceed with issue I have in regards to where my daughter lives.
I split up with my ex approx 5 years ago and it ended up in court,for access to see my daughter,I was given 2 nights per week and half school holidays.I paid CMS payments direct to ex every month.All was ok until May last year and daughter wasn't happy staying with her mother and told her she wanted to spend more time with me.
Myself and ex agreed to go to mediation,after initial visit in May 17 ,it was agreed by both parties,that my daughter would spend equal time with both parents.Six months later we ended up at mediation again and my daughter made it quite clear that she didn't want to stay with her mother but stay with me and visit her mother when she wanted,Myself and her mother agreed to this as long as daughter was settled.
It's now been 7 months and my daughter has been living with me and seeing her mother every now and again.
My ex keeps threatening to take me to court about matter even though my 13 yr old daughter doesn't want to live with her.
Can anyone give me advise on best way to proceed and what is likely to happen if it does go to court
Make sure you get all evidence you can that she lives with you (school records, doctors registration etc). However, if either you or your ex want to go to court, then you will have to attend mediation so I can't see that she really can do too much, and if it does end up in court, you will have any evidence you have saved, plus at 13 years old, the courts will take her wishes into consideration. The courts generally don't move residence unless there is a very good reason to do so.
Thanks for the response.
She is registered as living with me for school but I think they have both contact details for doctors and dentist.
I have kept a record of everything,dates and happenings etc,
My daughter is 100% sure that she doesnt want to live with her mother and has old her that but she wont accept it.
The doctors should have a home address (not sure if you can access it online these days), but I would say that with your daughter being so vehement in wanting to live with you, that will be the strongest case in court anyway.
Hi there
If you are really worried and want to get something official you would need to apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order for your daughter to live with you... but it’s really stressful and should only be a last resort.
As actd has stated, making her home address with you for official purposes is useful. Do you claim child benefit for her and in/out of work benefits? If not I would suggest you also do that. You are also entitled to Child Maintenance from the mother if she works.
Your daughters wishes and feelings will carry a lot of weight if the mother decides to go to court, but I think it may just be hot air and an attempt to get you to give her up.
All the best
Ok,I understand.
Will change as easy enough to change
I don't claim child benefit but would say her mother still is.
Do you have to inform the other parent legally that your are changing registered address ?
I would seriously advise you to make a claim for the child benefit, it’s one of the most important ways to prove that your daughter resides with you.
I would change it and then inform her, but I don’t think there’s a legal requirement to do so.
You don’t need to tell her youre changing the child benefit, just call them and inform them of the changes, it will take a few weeks to transfer it over to you, but it will be back dated.
I earned over 50 K last year so would pay tax on child benefit so don't think it worth it to be honest.
Will definitely change doctors address to mine though
I'm not sure how the rules work, but you may be able to effectively claim child benefit without actually getting the money. However, even if you do get it and pay tax on it, you won't pay more tax than the benefit - you aren't after it for the money, it's the proof that you are the resident parent that counts.
Child benefit is the one that is used to determine the child’s residency by the maintenance service, so it’s an important one to get in your name.
As actd says, its about the proof of residency of your daughter rather than monetary gain.
Having gone back and read your initial post, I note that you already have an order in place, if it states that the child lives with your ex and spends time with you, then the mother can apply for that order to be enforced. I doubt that it would happen, as the court are likely to order welfare reports, but theres a small possibility that they might direct her return to the mother, whilst the investigations are proceeding. That’s the risk of leaving it to the mother and not taking a pro active stance.
As you used mediation a couple of times to agree the changes to the time your daughter spends with each of you, was there anything put down on paper, such as a Memorandum of Understanding or a statement of some kind?
It might be a good idea to attempt mediation again, to reach agreement on where she lives, if it can’t be sorted out, you could apply for a variation of the existing order to state that your daughter now lives with you. However, if you felt the mother was going to go for enforcement, you could make an urgent application for a variation of the initial order, and a prohibited steps order to prevent your daughters removal from your care. Would it be possible for the mother not to return your daughter to your care after a visit for example?
It may be that the mother is concerned about losing the benefits and maintenance, perhaps if you’re not too bothered about her continuing to receive them, you could use that as leverage to get her to agree?
I have been involved in a few cases like this & the court usually ask why the parent the child has started to live with didn't apply to court immediately as the circumstances changed.
My personal view is that you should get the ball rolling quickly to attempt mediation and subsequently apply to the court. Or, as Mojo has said, you might run the risk of the mother applying to enforce and the court ordering your child to return to the mother.
Best of luck