I have a son, just turned 8 and a daughter, just turned 6. They visit me 2 nights one week and 3 nights the next. We have a 4 bedroom house, and a new baby on the way shortly.
Currently both my children share a bunkbed in the same room and this works well, occasionally they grumble that one of them has woke the other up, but usually they both sleep fine. My Ex keeps asking them if they are happy with the sleeping arrangements and then puts pressure on me saying my son should have his own room and its not fair that they have to share a room and the new baby will have its own room.
We do have a fairly large spare room, but i'm not sure what is best to do. I know they wont be able to share bunkbeds for ever, but not sure when is the correct age that they should have separate rooms, especially considering they are only with me 2 or 3 nights a week.
One option might be at some point to separate the bunk beds out into two single beds, even in the same room we could use a room divider so they get their own space.
If I gave them each their own bedroom now, that could lead to problems later when our baby grows out of the nursery (currently a small room) and cant use either of the other larger bedrooms because they have been taken by both my kids.
Realise this might be slightly '1st world problems' and we are lucky to have 4 rooms to play with, but just wondering people's opinions?
cheers
If I was you I'd give the ex's opinion little thought and discuss your future plans with your current partner.
If you're going to have more children or if your current partner would have an issue with your older child of the same gender sharing with the baby when they grow up a bit then that is what needs to be considered not what your ex thinks is fair.
My three are all girls but when they stay with their father I understand that they all share a room despite there being a spare room as well. The kids like it as they're all together and even though there is very little space with all the beds it works well.
A boy and a girl sharing really isn't an issue until one of them hits puberty and even then only if they are uncomfortable. I had friends when I was younger who always shared a room at their dad's even when they got quite old because it meant that they had a room that no one went in when they were away whereas had they shared with their younger siblings who lived there all the time their things might be moved or played with when they weren't there.
I know ex's have opinions, mine feels I shouldn't cosleep and wants me to stop breastfeeding my youngest when she's with me even though she quite happily does without milk and sleeps in her own bed with him, but you have to remember that they don't get a say anymore about that kind of stuff 🙂
thanks, for the reply very useful. My Ex does like to interfere in everything, using the argument that she is thinking of the children, when a lot of the time she is just trying to disrupt and make my life difficult, but sometimes she does get inside my head makes me start to question things!
You are right in that their room at the moment, is theirs with all their toys and left alone when they are not visiting. The spare room is a guest room with a lot of our stuff in the wardrobes etc, it would be difficult to offer them both a bedroom with all their stuff in each individual room.
There is no legal requirement to separate siblings of opposite [censored], although councils and housing associations state that once a child becomes 10 they shouldnt share with a sibling of the opposite [censored]. This applies more when the sleeping arrangements are full time, as this isn't the case with your children then there should be a certainly flexibility.
I think the situations is fine for now but as the children get older some form of room division would be appropriate....but you have a couple of years at least to find a solution!
I've deleted your duplicate post, it can be confusing if there's a conversation about the same thing on parallel threads.
All the best
thanks, sounds sensible!
not sure how a duplicate post occurred, thought I only posted it here, thanks for removing,
Hi there,
I can only mirror what's been said above, with their ages them sharing isn't an issue especially as it isn't full time, when you think even when they become older if you were to take a holiday the chances are they would share a room then.
Ex's have a knack of making you question yourself but don't get sucked in, be polite and if she asks again say you have given it some thought and all is ok as things are at the moment but that you will re visit it at a later stage when they are older.
GTTS
You seem to have a good idea of what needs to happen in the future. As for when it should happen I would take your cue from the children themselves rather than the ex. They will let you know when the current arrangement becomes uncomfortable for them.