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[Solved] Starting the drug discussion...

 
(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

Hi all,

New here.

Have a 13 year old daugther that has gotten in with the wrong crowed. She's not involved with drugs yet, but knowing the crowd she is hanging out with, and the parents of some of those kids, it's only a matter of time. I've been looking to start the whole drugs discussion, but doing it in a relaxed kind of way. To that end, what I have done is buy a book called 'Dying to Survive' which is the story of an Irish woman who got addicted to heroin at 14 years old, and nearly lost her life because of it. She also nearly lost her arms before that, because she had been injecting so much drugs into her arm.

What' good about the book is that its got a really grizzly picture of the lady (Rachel Keogh is her name actually) and her arms before she turned her life around. The drugs had eaten away the flesh on her forearms. What I'm going to do is leave the book lying around and let it start a conversation. I'm reading it at the moment, and if I think it is suitable I might let her read it to. I think this approach is better than getting preachy about drugs, because some kids like to rebel for rebellings sake.

What I'd like to know is if there are any other books out there that someone could recommend. Or better still, any ideas of how to get her to stay away from drugs without giving her reason to 'rebel'.

Thanks in advance.

Best regards,
Anthony

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Posted : 11/05/2009 5:01 am
(@freerunner)
Estimable Member Registered

Tough question dude.

My kids are far to young for this one yet. Have you thought about asking her school what teaching they get on drugs and what part of the sylabus it comes under and when it is to be covered?

You could ask the PTA or Governers Board if they would like some help on this issue and see if there are drug organisatations locally to you that would come in to her school and do a special assembly or class. School will have some sort of set up but often unless a or two parent are on the ball the schools don't give these kind of issue the time and spotlight they need.

I live in Bedford and used to work with roughsleepers and i know that one local drug agency used to take x-users in to classroom which would have been an eye opener! 😯

The bigger question for you is what how you going to support your daughter get out of the wrong crowd?!?

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Posted : 11/05/2009 1:42 pm
Harveys Dad
(@Harveys Dad)
Reputable Member Registered

HI DaddyX

Thanks for posting a really important topic that we need to address.

We will ask our experts to have look at this tread and make some comments that will hopefully be helpful.
Check out the drugs article that we have here http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/articles/drugs.php .

Picking up on a few things that Freerunner said - you could indeed contact the school but we would suggest you do that in a broad sense ie ask them how they discuss topics like drugs, bulling and [censored]-ed within the curriculum and what organisations they sign post pupils to. This will make it less about drugs and your daughter. There are some good sites out there that offer information and advice ASK FRANK is a good one and is aimed specifically at teenagers so will be the site your daughter would use for information.

As well as leaving the book around why not have a family film night and watch a teen film where drugs are in the story line or watch a TV soap together, it won’t be long before some topic storylines crop up and conversation can flow!
In regards to addressing the bigger issue of your daughter’s new friends, it is worth thinking how you might like to support her here too.

Dadtalk realise that Dads have a unique part to play in their daughter’s lives and statistics show that dads who give time and energy to their daughters are rewarded with girls who are less likely to fall off the rails through drinking, drugs and teenage pregnancy.

Dads who give their daughter 1;2;1 time through activities like date nights (going to the cinema or even going out for meals) find that over time communication can be built and difficult topics can be discussed) Check out this article on why dads matter to daughters. Why not stop off on the way home and buy your daughter (and your partner) a small bunch of flowers. OK so you might get a funny look at first but tell them that you were thinking of them today and that you love them. This isn’t to embarrass your daughter but to make her feel special. If you do this often enough the funny awkward looks will fade away and a a really tight bond of openness will grow.

http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/articles/why_d ... ghters.php

If you think that your daughters new female friends are less than desirable and that their family lives are a little dysfunctional why not open your home and family to them. In this way not only will your daughter learn from you but her friends will also get the benefit of a positive role model too.

Check out these articles on peer pressure and communication with teenagers and kids too.

http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/articles/peer_pressure.php
http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/articles/commu ... nagers.php
http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/articles/top_t ... r_kids.php

let us know how the book goes!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11/05/2009 2:43 pm
(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

The best drugs talk I ever got was from a retired copper who came into our school, past around lots of pills etc. and said "I'm not going to tell you not to take drugs, I know you won't listen if your mind is made up"

We had to try and identify what all of the pills were, and at the end he revealed that some were drugs, some were innocent things like smarties and others were actually deadly cleaning tablets.

His concluding statement was that "I worked in the drug squad for 30 years. And even now I haven't a clue if something is a drug, or even what type of drug it is, until it is sent off for testing. So if you ARE going to take drugs, just consider... do you REALLY know what you're putting in your body".

It was powerful, purely because it wasn't a lecture, he didn't go on about how evil drugs were and how we shouldn't take them - the sort of thing a teenager would switch off on. It was reality - if you make the individual choice to buy something off a bloke in a pub it could be ecstasy. Or it could be paracetamol. Or worse, it could be a toxic chemical that will kill you. Your choice. Worked wonders.

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Posted : 15/05/2009 4:10 pm
(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

hello. since drug is injerous to health. it is the duty of think tanks to find out the proper solution to tackle this problem

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Posted : 23/05/2009 3:56 pm
Ronaldo
(@Ronaldo)
Reputable Member Registered

Chutzpah - cool story... wish our drugs talk was like that would have put me off... Really clever approach..

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Posted : 24/05/2009 8:26 pm
(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

While I never had any real experiences with drugs growing up, my parents didn't do a very good of educating me about the issue. They started way too late as I had already been exposed. My best lesson was a family member who was about 10 years older than me. He got involved with drugs and I got to see firsthand what happened to him. He was addicted to meth when he drove the getaway car for a fellow druggie who robbed a convenience store in Texas. His prior record and the fact that he carrying a handgun got him a 16 year sentence. He served 9 of 16. Luckily, my still have pictures of all that transpired and used that "story" to open a drug based discussion with my children. While I considered the scared straight approach, I ended going with a more direct, factual approach.

They asked lots of questions and I tried to answer the best I could. While this is just the tip of the iceberg dealing with this issue, I like to think that I've opened the door for them to communicate with me on this in an honest, open manner.

We'll see how it goes moving forward.

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Posted : 07/12/2009 8:40 pm
BabelFish
(@BabelFish)
Estimable Member Registered

Cyke,

I think open and honest is the only way - keep the channels of communication open.

I have already started the conversation with my daughter and we were honest and explained to her that I experimented with drugs whilst i was at college and have tried most - we encouraged my daughter to ask me questions, how did it feel - why did you do it - what was bad about it etc.

I hope she feels able to discuss with me now before she considers experiementing for herself - I guess only time will tell.

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Posted : 10/12/2009 4:20 pm
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

Good story.

I am fortunate that my father was one of the early anti-drug campaigners and argued (successfully) against a government committee when he was younger to show that drugs were a problem - at the time, the number of registered heroin abusers was in 2 or 3 figures in London. I never even dreamed of taking drugs, and in fact, have never been offered drugs. I don't think it's so easy to avoid them these days though - but again, I am 'fortunate' that my ex was (is) a serious alcohol abuser, so my kids have seen the worst side of abuse first hand.

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Posted : 10/12/2009 4:44 pm
rik
 rik
(@rik)
Estimable Member Registered

Hi,

In all honesty i wish my parents had the attitude towards drugs that some of you have, Eduucating me about them and such would have been nice, I was sort of left to my own devices when i was growing up so i unfortunately experimented with drugs a little from the ages of 15 to 19, I am 26 now and my daughter is 2.5 so it's been a long time since, but if there's any advice i can offer it's to try your best to show the dangers of drugs without being too "in your face" a way my friend did it with his 15 year old son was to ask him what his feelings were towards them when he suspected his son might have been smoking weed.

His son was made aware through school about drugs and alcohol as a few people know, police and offenders often visit schools to campaign but this is pretty hit and miss.

By sitting down and initiating a conversation about views and values on the subject my friend was able to tell his son of first hand experiences and discuss the matter in a direct, yet non-preachy way. His son was grateful for this and he soon ditched the "wrong crowd" he was hanging with and made new friends with mutual interests....

... he's now adopted the "straight edge" lifestyle after hearing about the true dangers of drugs.

I'm not saying to make people straight edge by any means, the point is that children will have a view on everything they're aware of, it's as important to listen to their views as it is to discuss your own, at the end of the day, communication works both ways and there's less reason to rebel if they are contributing to the conversation and can listen to your views and advice while imparting their own.

I've seen this work first hand.

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Posted : 06/01/2010 6:44 pm
(@bilbobaggins87)
New Member Registered

Posted by: @BabelFish

Cyke,

I think open and honest is the only way - keep the channels of communication open.

I have already started the conversation with my daughter and we were honest and explained to her that I experimented with drugs whilst i was at college and have tried most - we encouraged my daughter to ask me questions, how did it feel - why did you do it - what was bad about it etc.

I hope she feels able to discuss with me now before she considers experiementing for herself - I guess only time will tell.

 

Hi

I know quite an old post but i have been thinking a lot about this topic recently to the extent it bothers me throughout the day and when I wake up in the morning.  Probably stupid because maybe nothing bad could or will happen. My children are 7 and 9 and so probably not needing to address the drugs questions until a few years but thinking ahead!!

I am quoting this answer because I too experimented once with weed at a party with students in my early 20s, now 35, but feel guilty and also worried it could have serious legal risks and consequences if I tell my children about it. 

Did you not worry your children would tell others and this could spread and would ask about why you broke law, will you be in trouble with police/ law/ go to prison/ lose job/ family etc?

I don't know how comfortable I would be talking about this with my children. 

Anyone know how they would answer their children and reassure them? 

I don't actually know if someone can still have legal consequences to using illegal drugs, even if they weren't 'caught' at the time and it is 10+ years later,  as I believe there is no statue of limitations on illegal drug use. 

Also would you feel guilty and feel you should have a consequence yourself to show your children that breaking the law has consequences, or tell your children you were lucky not to be caught but regret experimenting and made a mistake.

Also difficult as my children have a half brother 10+ years older who has become addicted to weed and has serious mental health problems now, unable to work, does not want to stop..

Any advice from op or forum wisdom/ experts very much appreciated. 

Thanks

 

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Posted : 11/06/2023 3:08 pm
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