[Solved] Indirect contact

Hi there

It always upsets me when I read that an order for indirect contact has been made, where there are no safeguarding issues. (I'm assuming that there aren't any) Children have the right to have a relationship with both parents, but sometimes because of the implacable hostility of the resident parent, the court see this as a solution!

Not knowing anything about your case makes it quite difficult to comment specifically but I'll do my best to answer your questions.

As far as a template for writing letters to your children, I don't believe there are. Letters should be age appropriate and should not make mention of anything about the case or the other parent. Try to stick to everyday topics such as school, any interests they have. Tell them about places you have been or anything that they would find amusing....keep it light. Of course you can tell them that you love them. Perhaps you could include a stamped addressed envelope in case they would like to write back to you, but no pressure.

It's immensely difficult for you I know .

It might help to keep a copy of all the letters you send. If they never reach the children you will then have them to give to them if the situation changes in the future, and it will show them that you did try to keep in touch with them.

Thankyou for responding i found your reply helpfull i like the idea of the stamped addressed envelope i have so many questions and so many things to sort out so im takeing things nice and steady with this after so much heartache and after a year and half im drained.so i hope over the next day or days ill sit here and wirite these letters out and keep copies of everything.ill post again soon when i feel ready and ill keep reading these forums and site.

...card shops have some lovely things that can be slipped into letters...for girls, little cards with poems on or little charms, or sheets of stickers. If you have boys you could send collectible football cards or stickers.

Try not to ask questions as they may not be allowed to reply. Instead make statements, for example

"How are you getting on at school" would translate as " I hope you're getting on well at school, I've put an stamped addressed envelope in just in case you get the chance to tell me all about it.

Best of luck with it.

Hello to all
well after a week and a half i managed to write those letters it took so long as i had to keep altering it because it was far to long i think and wanted to get parents thoughts on the letters to see if they thought there was anything unfair in them they said there lovely and i should post them and of course keep copies.
so onto the next problem or problems im heading into as its now been 21 months and days since being seperated from the ex and children i have lots of questions but im takeing a few at a time as i suffer badly with depression and anxiety so my first question is one of the children is not my child as in biological however since i met the ex a long time ago she was pregnant at the time and we both decided that i would bring the child up as my own and so i have done for over 10 years now when this all hit the fan and social services got involved they advised my ex to tell the child i am not her real father what rights do they have or even my ex in doing this without me even being there with her for all i know they have gone ahead and done this it sickens to me that i have brought her up and i have no say in anything like i have no say as far as i know as seeing kids school reports anything medical have they had accidents been into hospital surely i have rights to know these things as i know my son was attending hospital when we split with an operation with his eyesight and to this day i have no idea how it has been i have no say in where they go to school how can this be even if i did suggest a school they would undoubtly disagree with me.another point id like to raise is when i was told earlier this year it would be 2 years of indirect contact i did try and ask the question from what date is the 2 years starting from as the social services said the children had been to some kind of councileing so is it from the date of the start of counciling or from the final hearing date also while i remember why is it that i have nothing from anybody about how the counciling with the children is going again i have been tossed to the side and not given a thought to let alone what damage this is all haveing on my kids as i was much closer than the mother for the entire relationship.the next thing id like to have thoughts on if possible is the house side which in itself will be a nightmare to think of but what if she isnt looking after the house and its in ruin how do i know and why cant i check on the status of my house inside and out this house has my name as well as hers on it so 50-50 as far as im aware allso what about and how to go about splitting things possesions i have had to restart a life with nothing while she has had everything i know this is rather long looking at it now but my head is still a mess and still i want to ask many things so once again thankyou for any replies to this i would be greatfull of any help thank you

Hi

I'm trying to get this clear - it might be advisable if you post one or two questions at a time so we can get a handle on your situation a litle more easily, though I appreciate that you have a lot going on at the moment.

Can you clarify, were you married at all, and are you named on the birth certificate of your children (I assume the younger two are your biological children).

Also, is there any order of any sort in place?

hi
ok so we wasnt married we was together as a couple for about 8 years she then left me and the children for approx 18 months and she went to live with another man then after a year ish she wanted to come back to us all which was my worst mistake of my life by takeing her back.im on all birth certificates and have never treated any of them different there all my kids and yes the other 2 are biologically mine the only order that is in place is the indirect contact of me seeing the kids so all i have is to write to them and just hope for replies.

Hi there

I think if I were in your position I would be looking to take this back to court as soon as is reasonably possible. I would give it six months and apply for a variation of the order. Did you have any legal representation at court? We're there any safe guarding issues that the court felt was a reason for indirect contact only? If not i really think this is worth fighting.

Some of your questions concern the Social Services, it might benefit you to contact the Family Rights Group, they are experienced in dealing with problems with the Social Services and can advise you about getting the information about your children that they hold on record. I believe this can be done under the Freedom of Information Act, I know there is information about this on their website. They have a helpline number and it might be a good idea to give them a call.

www.frg.org.uk

As you have Parental Responsibility for your children, you are named on their birth certificates, you are entitled to be kept up to date with issues concerning school, health or religion. There are some templates on here for letters that you can send to the childrens GP and school, I'll look for them and post a link for you.

As far as your property is concerned, are you paying any of the mortgage and have you talked to your mortgage provider, they may be able to advise you on your rights. The CAB may also be able to advise on this. Some solicitors offer a free initial consultation and you could take advantage of this to get some answers.

The issue about your possessions is difficult as so much time has passed. If there are any personal things such as photos or passport, things that are only important to you you could write to her and ask for them to be dropped off with a family member or friend. Or you could make it more official and pay for a solicitors letter.

Here's a Family Right Group advice guide on how to get information from Childrens Services. (Social Services)

http://www.frg.org.uk/images/Advice_Sheets/26-access-to-records.pdf

Template letters for GP and school

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/letter-templates-for-school-health-club-activities.html

Family Rights Group contact information

OUR ADVICE SERVICE

We can advise you if you are a parent, friend or relative and social workers are involved in your child’s life, or you need extra support from Children’s Services. We also have a parental advocacy project.

Contact us:

Call our advice line on: 0808 801 0366
Visit our: discussion boards.
Visit our: Need help and advice section.
Visit our: Frequently asked questions.

I'm going to ask the Moderators to move this thread over to the Legal Eagle section, it will get more attention there and possibly more replies from our members.