Hi there,
I split up with my ex-wife and moved to Australia while she remained behind with my son back in the UK. She now lives with her ex-boss ... need I say anymore.
I've being paying childcare while I've been living in Australia and have had some contact with my son over the phone and on Skype video. His mother monitors every word I say to him and will end the call at any time if I ask questions she does not like etc.
I’ve only return back once to the UK to visit him and brought him out to Australia once as well, since leaving the UK. He was only allowed to spend one night with me while I was in the UK, the rest of the time he could spend the day with me at a given time.
After 2 years I returned back to the UK to see him, where I had a lot of control issues with his mother. I had to give her 2 months pre-notice of my visit and when I planned to see him. He could not stay overnight with me, I could only see him without her supervision at any time. When she was bored, she would turn around and it was time to go - this resulted in only allowing me a few hours at a time to spend with him.
She has since married this guy and had a kid with him. I have recently married last year and have moved on with my life. My new wife accompanied me with my trip to the UK, as she also wanted to meet my son in person and wants to be a part of his life. My ex-wife told me that my son was not allowed to meet my new wife. When she saw my wife walking towards her car, she just drove off and almost knocking me over in the process. I haven't seen my son again since then.
It took me 30 hours of travelling to reach the UK, which is a long hall for any die hard traveller. It's not a trip that I want to make too often and she knows this but still blocked me from really spending quality time with my son.
Since this trip, I've stopped paying her childcare on the grounds that prevented me from proper access to my son. It's been 4 months since then and she is demanding that I back pay for all the outstanding months.
I seems like I'm pretty much over a barrel and she can do whatever she wants ... I'm so angry and frustrated with her.
I've told her that I want to take my son to Europe during the summer holidays, to the beaches in France etc. He really loves the beach and this will be ideal to build our relationship and make our bond stronger.
Since she won't allow him to travel with me, stay overnight with me or even spend time alone with me.
She treats me like if I'm a criminal or something ... I'm his father at the end of the day and just want to spend quality time with him alone.
What can I do? What are my rights as a father here?
Thanks in advance for your help and advice.
Regards
Ad
Hi,
Not a good situation, and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to add much comfort.
Firstly, with regards to Child maintenance, I believe that the CSA has a reciprocal arrangement with the authorities in Australia with regards to chasing up child maintenance, so you will almost certainly find yourself being chased for back payments - my advice is to pay the maintenance into a savings account so that you don't suddenly have a lump sum to find. I know that the calculation here is based on income, less a reasonable amount for travel to see your child for contact - so it's possible that you may be able to offset a proportion of your travel costs to the UK from maintenance owed (as you were here for a holiday, you won't be able to offset the whole amount) - keep receipts for your travel costs just in case.
As for contact, the tricky part is the fact that you are not in the UK, which limits your options. You can go for a contact order (I don't think mediation is a practical solution), but you are going to need to use a solicitor to act for you, since you obviously can't represent yourself if you aren't here, so it's going to be expensive if your ex makes it difficult. If you get the contact order, your ex can't restrict who you take with you unless this is specifically excluded in the contact order. You would also have to have it stated in the order that you want to be able to take your son out of the country, as usually this is prohibited in the order with regards to the non-resident parent.
That's the legal position as far as I am aware, but you have a problem that if you get a contact order and then your ex doesn't co-operate, you are in the position of having to go back to court to enforce the order, and being so far away, that's a real problem to which I can't suggest an answer.
One more thing occurs to me - if you do go for a contact order, you could see whether it's possible to have a video/skype link set up in court so that you can confer with your solicitor on the spot otherwise you would be at a real disadvantage - I have no idea whether a court would allow this, but it is certainly worth asking.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my request 😀 .
I would prefer to try and avoid the courts option.
Regards
Ad
Hi Ad,
I can understand wanting to avoid the courts, and with you being remote, it would put you at an immediate disadvantage. The problem is that you ex has the upper hand, and you can't use mediation if you aren't around to attend, so as far as I can see, your only real option is to try to reason with your ex, and that's probably going to mean a lot of compromises on your part.