Hello all, my ex pregnant partner is basically being extremely difficult, we had our problems in our relationship and is now using my unborn daughter against me, threatening behavior for example "who says I'm putting you on the birth cartificate" I've had heard much worse from her, anyways. She insists that her midwife has access to my GP Records and is documenting everything I say, the real truth of what I'm saying is trying to regain access so I know what else to get my unborn child as there is only 4 weeks left, I'm also currently not allowed to the birth, the whole experience has been complete [censored] for me, trying to figure out options to gain access when she's born, her family are just as twisted as her. Have no civil reasoning what so ever. She's very manipulated and twists things and lies, all I care about is having that bond with my daughter when born, I'm running out of options and I'm extremely depressed over it all.
Hello Switchwise,
With regard to being told, quote, "... her midwife has access to my G.P. Records and is documenting everything I say, ..." If you have NOT had a consultation with the midwife she CANNOT write anything in your medical records. Added to which it would be highly unprofessional of her to get involved in issues between parents. Her job is to care for the mother and baby's medical wellbeing, not engage in tittle tattle.
I get the impression, rightly or wrongly that your Ex is telling you, she has talked about you to the midwife and saying the midwife is documenting what your Ex says in your G.P. records. If this is the case that the midwife is hearing what your Ex chooses to tell her and did document anything in your records which was not spoken of by you directly to the midwife, then this would be highly unprofessional and unethical and be cause for a very serious complaint.
What the midwife documents in your Ex's medical records is an entirely different matter.
The expectant mother can choose who she wishes to be at the birth. If she excludes you, it is her decision and hers alone to make.
With the difficulties you are having at the moment, you need to be very careful in not contacting her too much or probably not at all as you could have, unjustifiably, a Non Molestation Order taken out against you which is a frequent thing that happens in such cases.
When your baby is born, I believe it is then you need to begin the process of gaining access to your daughter. There are two ways of doing this by agreeing amicably between the two of you, times and days for contact. Secondly, taking the matter to court where mediation has to be attempted first, in some cases this is successful and agreements made. If not, the next step is taking court action to gain access to your daughter, this need not be expensive if you self represent.
I know it is a very upsetting time but do not give your Ex any ammunition she could use against you if you should end up by going to court. Stay strong, patient, well behaved and don't let your emotions over rule what is sensible and decent. You cannot do anything at the moment, after the birth is the time to decide how you are going to resolve the issues.
Hi thank you for the information, very useful and will take note. Regarding midwife, my ex said she was documenting that into her file not mine, but I can confirm my ex partner 100% say that she had access to my gp records, I will be filing a complaint.
Hello Switchwise,
NO, do not file a complaint at the moment.
You must not act until you have the facts on paper. At the moment you only know what your Ex is telling you and that is not necessarily true. You are not in possession of factual evidence to prove her claim. Consequently your complaint could be dismissed through lack of evidence and therefore you could be cast in a dim light and it would not be to your credit.
I reiterate, what the midwife writes in your Ex's medical notes is not anything to do with you. You have no rights to these or to know what is written by her.
With regard to medical notes, I believe, many people have sight of these who work in a medical surgery albeit the information contained is limited as to what is available depending on a person's status within a surgery. Therefore, the midwife may have access to them but NOT to write any comment in them unless you have consulted with her directly.
If you feel you need reassurance that no one (other than a health professional with whom you have had a consultation with) has written in your notes, you can request a copy of them for the period from X to Y. A fee will be charged for this and it varies from surgery to surgery.
You have one aim which is to have contact with your daughter after she is born. Until then, there isn't anything you can do other than what I suggested in my previous message to you.
Be patient, relax and wait until the time is right ,that time, is not now.
My biggest problem is my ex partner is telling the midwife fibs and apparently this is all being documented and apparently is gonna be used against me, now not sure if this is all lies, but I just don't feel comfortable with what's being documented, I will just leave stuff for when the baby's born and hopefully she will change. If not then I'll do mediation and then court if that fails, something that can be so simple turns into an nightmare, thank you for your advice anyways.
Hello Switchwise,
People who continually lie get found out eventually. This is why you need to rise above the untruths, do not argue with her, behave impeccably, then you will give no one any cause to level criticism at you.
Keep all letters, texts, emails, Facebook messages etc and a diary in case you need them at a later date as evidence.
What you are going through is very stressful, take care of yourself, eat, exercise and sleep, this will help lower the stress. Most men on here have gone or are going through what you are and in the end contact with their child/ren is achieved. It is a slow process but they get there as I am sure you will.
Be patient, you could if you wish request your medical records if it gives you peace of mind, no explanation is necessary when you request them.