[Solved] Expecting 14 months after the first.
I am new to forums and find it really hard to talk about issues in my life but I need to speak to people about this situation I am in.
I am 28 and my girlfriend is 22. We had our first child 14 months ago which was sort of planned. We just didn't think it would happen so fast. I read a load of articles and books on what life would be like after your first and if am honest it scared me. But I was excited to welcome my little boy into the world. His birth was the best day of my life. But after that everything changed. I expected to feel amazing holding him in my arms but I never. I was scared. And to this day I still am. Me and his mum argue a lot, not massive arguments but enough for us both to get upset. Everything always seems like a competition to her about who is tired most, who feels sick most etc and it's constantly draining.
To make matters worse, 2 days ago she told me she was pregnant again. And I have been crying my eyes out since. I have distance myself from everyone I know because of it and I don't really understand why. I feel under pressure having to be at work all day, then to come home and clean or make dinner. I do think about very best income but now am under pressure to earn more money just to make ends meet. At the minute we struggle to pay bills nevermind to get food on the table.
I don't know what I expect to here from you guys. Wether it's reassurance or just a slap around the head telling me too get around grip. But I need to do something as my mental wellbeing is taking around ight kicking during all of this.
Thanks for to taking the time to read this.
hi and welcome.
I would certainly go and see your GP and have a word with him about how you are feeling, and I think it would be worht you and your girlfriend considering couples councelling.
Do you and your girlfriend get time to each other? That certainly is important .
Thanks for the response.
No we don't have time to ourselves at all. Since our first was born 14 months ago we have been out together once and that is the only time we have been in each others company alone.
We actually spoke about this this morning and have decided to plan in a day together just to two of us so hopefully we may start to see a change in attitudes there.
We still havnt spoken about the pregnancy yet though and I intend to bring it up but I actually have no idea what they say. I don't want to come across as being selfish but all I want to do is the best for our family.
It may well be worth couples counselling, so perhaps you can bring that up rather than the pregnancy - the councelling shows you are wanting to save the relationship, which is your first priority. You definitely need to arrange time with each other on a regular basis.
I agree with actd that couples counselling would be a good idea, hopefully your partner would agree to this, its a safe place to be able to talk about all of the things that are worrying you, don't be concerned about the fact that you find it difficult to talk to people as the counsellor will help you to express what you feel.
I wpuld also go and see your GP and ask them for some advice on what you are going through, if you are struggling they should be able to offer some advice of where to get some help.
It does sound as though you have made a step in the right direction by starting to plan some time for just the 2 of you, but this needs to be a regular thing rather than a one off, which is easier said than done as life gets in the way, but maybe work out one eveneing a week or month where your son will stay with a relitave for the evening so that you can spend some time alone, it doesn't have to cost much and you don't even need to go out, you could just stay in and cook a meal and watch a film at home, but that time for just the 2 of you would help.