I must be struggling, I’ve googled and found this forum and I’m laying my heart on the ground about this “issue” I’m having…… so I must be struggling.
My wife and I are expecting our second child. Our first, a daughter has been amazing and we have loved every second of her being.
I’m ashamed to admit that knowing our second child will be a boy has really played on my mind. I have this gut feeling that I will resent him and not feel any bond towards him. I realise how awful that sounds and I know I should be grateful for just being able to conceive a life and for him to be happy and healthy…. I get all that, I really do…. I just can’t shake this feeling I have and am becoming increasingly worried the closer it gets to due date.
Don’t know what to do and definitely can’t discuss it with my wife. Mentioned it to her and she dismissed it and said I was awful for thinking that way.
Just needed to talk….
I cannot say I have experienced this, do you feel that the fact it is a boy and you have raised a girl already it will be different? I am not sur ewhat to suggest for the time being, but I hope your feelings change once he arrives.
It may be worth looking at some counselling for this. I do remember (30 odd years ago) that my wife at the time and I were convinced our first child was going to be a girl. When she went for a scan and we discovered that we were going to have a boy, it did knock us back a bit, but once he was born, there was no problem bonding
Agree that it might be best to talk to someone. The NHS website has several contacts for talking therapies/counselling/support. Hopefully they will put your mind at rest.
Can I say I admire your honesty and frankness. It can’t be an easy thing to put into words. My partner and I have had one of each - and I would like to encourage you that we love them both the same but recognise they are very different. I hope you will find that actually baby boys are very loving and thrive on praise and encouragement. Girls do too, but they make you work for their attention sometimes ! I’m sure that once you and your wife have your son, your protective instinct will kick in and you will fall in love with him. But, if you are struggling, it is vital that you talk to your wife and also as others have suggested receive some counselling to help you understand your feelings. Are you perhaps worried that your son won’t love you ? Or has a past experience made you feel insecure about raising a boy ? I don’t know - just suggestions not definates. There are some good books on raising boys, perhaps you could begin a journal of things you are looking forward to doing with your son when he’s older ?
Please keep talking to your wife and don’t be afraid to tell her why you feel the way you do. It is important for your partner to acknowledge your worries as they are your feelings and we like to have our feelings validated.
Could you do a special activity with your daughter to welcome your new son and her little brother ? Or together make a special gift for your wife?
Just some suggestions. I wish you well - take it one day at a time, and please seek help if you feel really overwhelmed. I’m sure you will be great at being a father of two.
Kind regards, Fegans Parent Support
We were very lucky. We have 5 children, 2 boys 3 girls.
Talk to the therapist about it. The point is in acceptance