Ex partner with unborn child not allowing me to scans, birth or 50/50
So I was seeing a girl for 4 weeks when I then decided it wasn’t working out and told her we should leave it there and not see each other anymore, she then told me she was pregnant. (I didn’t take it well and thought she was lying ) so it was a massive shock and I defiantly didn’t like the thought of it for the first week and was in denial and shock, after that i was fine.
My ex then decided to go all crazy becuase I didn’t want to be with her regardless if her being pregnant and then wanted to get back with my ex partner that I was with before seeing her, she ended up blocking my number until the 8 week scan and told me 11pm the night before the 8 week scan the time and I still made it 8am the next day. After the scan We had a argument outside the hospital and she was very controlling and seemed upset/angry and jealous that I wasn’t with her, she then continued arguing over text dictating to me when I would see our baby and the school, GP, namings etc and wasn’t taking anything else as an option. I just wanted 50/50 with alternative weekends and weekdays and she wasn’t having none of it. I then left it a day replied again being nice stating the things we didn’t agree on and said we should discuss them, she replied that I no longer will have any involvement until the child is born. As you can imagine this was horrible for me and I’m so depressed about it and feel out of control, so I instructed solicitors.
We sent a letter stating I want full involvement and want to go to mediation to sort out issues.
She replied with her own solicitors and has lied to them and said I was ‘threatening and intimidating’ which is ridiculous and has stated she won’t be attending mediation until after the child’s birth as it’s premature and she doesn’t want me at any of the scans, appointments etc and I’m also not allowed to be at the birth. I then assume I won’t have a say in our babies name either. She has said she will put me on the birth certificate but will discuss this at a later date, so I’m not very hopeful of that. She then has said she will send scan pictures in the post, she sent me a picture then told me she would post, 20 minutes later she said roads were too busy so instead of posting it I will have to come and collect it from her house, which is strange if she feels I am intimidating and threatening.
so my worries are:
1. - she has said she will breast feed (out of spite) so I can’t have the child as a new born. What will happen with this?
2. - Will I be able to name our baby?
3. - Will I get 50/50?
4. - How long will it take to get her in mediation then court after the birth?
5. - Can I really not go to the birth?
I feel so useless and out of control, I can’t believe it’s 2021 and we as fathers have no control over any of this, equality is crucial. The is dictating everything to me and bullying me because she knows I can’t do anything.
sorry to hear your going through a tough time. I can relate to this as I went through court involving a new born.
1. breastfeeding is not a valid excuse to keep child away from you. court ordered my ex to give me a private room at her place, for me to see baby.
2. she may decide to name the baby without involving you. if you want to fight that, then you would have to argue about that in court. In my opinion its not worth the hassle and stress.
3. It's very unlikely court will give you 50/50 for a new born child, but you can still ask for it.
4. You can wait for child to be born, then book a MIAM mediation appointment for yourself. mediator will decide whether or not to invite her for talks. if they don't invite, they will give you permission to apply to court.
5. If she does not want you to be present at the birth, it is better that you not go. better not to make a scene there, where police could likely be called.
Just to add to that. She can't put you on the birth certificate unless you go with her to register the birth. It must be very difficult. Can you be sure the child is yours?
hi there thanks for the reply, it’s been like a emotional rollercoaster ride so far.
Although having to see my baby in the mother’s house isn’t ideal it’s great to know I will at least be able to have my own time with the baby.
Is there any certain age where 50/50 access is more recommended do you know?
I have got mediation booked for this week to speak with someone on how to move forwarded so hopefully that will be helpful.
Your right it would not be good to just turn up although it’s devastating to think I won’t be able to be at the birth of my first child, i think it will destroy me but that’s. A decision that is on her not me I suppose, completely out of my control, just a shame that it has to be like this.
i didn’t know that although she has stated to my solicitors she will put me on the birth certificate so that is very strange I can’t be 100% sure but I believe I’m going to request to get a DNA test to be sure.
Have a look at the www.gov.uk website for registering a birth and it explains the procedure for unmarried parents. You can both go together, you can sign a statutory declaration of parentage and she can take this with her or there can be a court order giving the father parental responsibility which has to be taken.