Hi all
I am a very new user of the site and have really joined as I feel totally at sea and lost.
I am 42 never had any children before and my wife is expecting in May 2016, I thought up until now I was holding it together and then at the weekend I went out with the boys had a proper boys night out but before I came home (and in a drunken stooper) I was just walking the local streets scared and in fear of what is happening in my/our lives, and the following day I just broke down in front of my wife. She was and has been amazing and a true rock in this.
I have had counselling before and have dealt with some issues relating to my childhood and my father not always being present and the most loving / affectionate manner. what I suppose I am saying is that he was a father and not a friend to me.
I think really I am asking is what I am feeling normal?
Sorry if this is short and sweet but I am not a man of many words, and even writing this down is a help, if anyone has any wise words then they would be gratefully appreciated.
Many thanks
J
I think it would be abnormal if you wasn't scared I know sure as [censored] I was I too had the worst upbringing and my dad still is a nasty useless piece of work I found I was crapping it as I didn't want my child to think of mr the way I think about my dad.
Now I am a dad (after a court battle) my daughter is 2 I'm absolutely loving being a father and it's helped me come to terms with that sense of rejection I had for 35 years from my dad and I know my girl has one the best daddy's going.
It's great you have the support of your wife and I'm sure you are going to be a brilliant dad it does change you for the better I feel so much more complete now π
Crack on and enjoy it mate you have nothing to worry about and it's natural to be scared.
all the best
Slim π
Hi James and welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment and glad that talking about it has helped....how wonderful that you have such a loving and supportive wife, now she knows how daunting you are finding things I'm sure she will help you work through this.
There is no "normal" way of feeling really, we are all different and react in so many different ways. Parenthood is one of the biggest and most challenging experiences of our lives. The fear you are feeling is natural, your future is unmapped and you are in unchartered seas, parenthood is a huge responsibility....one that I'm sure you will meet and be equal to when the time comes.
You have shared your fears and that's a good first step to conquering them, I think most of us are parents and can understand exactly where you're coming from,...keep talking and sharing and I'm sure things will settle down and allow you to start enjoying the prospect of being a Dad. Once the pregnancy develops and you have the scans and start preparing for the arrival, I'm pretty sure excitement will replace the way you feel right now.
I've linked our Expecting app which you may find useful and there are sections about fatherhood in the main section of our site.
http://relationships.dad.info/menu
Best of luck.
Hi There,
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I'm glad you have found us, we are all friendly and happy to chat.
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I think it's normal that you feel the way you do, your father wasn't the way with you, you would have liked him to be and that has left a lasting impression, but that gives you an opptortunity to be different in the way you are a father, you can think back at what you didn't like and what you liked about your up bringing and find somewhere in the middle that works for you.
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Your wife is being supportive and we will always chat and help you too, but fear is natural, you want to be the best father you can, you may make mistakes and we all have and will continue to do, as we are all human.
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GTTS
Hi Everyone
Thank you so much for your supportive and calming words. Have thought a lot over the past few days about this and spoken more and more to my wife. What you have said has been very supportive and given me reassurance that I am not going mad :).
It is a very weird time, the thought of children a few years ago would have made me run a mile (although I don't know if it is PC to say that after what has happened on Twitter recently) but now each and every time I a father and child I get more and more excited about the forthcoming changes.
I really hoped that makes sense - it did in my head π
J
Hi James it makes perfect sense and it's perfectly normal to have those fears and concerns. I'm sure your wife probably has her own too. It's great if you can support each other.