Unsure of what I want
We recently found out that we are expecting our first child.
We were both frightened and shocked that this had happened as it was unplanned and unexpected but we did try to get advice and seek help regarding a termination as we both didnt feel ready.
We called the number and didn't get through so we were informed that we should leave a name and number and someone would call us back, they never did and now my partner has changed her mind and does not see this as a way forward.
I am still wishing to go down this route but we are obviously not agreeing due to this situation and it feels like it is driving us apart and I constantly feel islated and feel down because I feel like I am the one causing all of these issues.
But I still feel like I should have my say and my own opinion on what I feel and want.
I need advice on where to go and seek help
Im 25 and from Glasgow
Hi @whatishappening, thank you for sharing how you are feeling. I'd say it's completely normal to have feelings of uncertainty about the responsibilities of parenthood, and I don't think we are ever 'ready', even when a pregnancy is expected. It's also hard as a Dad to know quite how to feel during pregnancy because of the simple fact that it's Mum who is experiencing more of the direct physical changes initially.
I'd encourage you to keep talking - with your partner, and with others around you - either friends or family you can trust, or if that's not possible, maybe think about chatting things through with a counsellor, either just you or with your partner too? Given what you have shared, your partner is probably also still shocked by recent events, but it might be helpful to have someone who can help you both listen to each other and work through your different feelings.
If the pregnancy progresses, I hope you can use the next few months to continue to process what is happening and to prepare for the next steps. As a parent myself, I confess that I am biased, but whilst it is undoubtedly life-changing and not without challenges, it has been the most amazing privilege.
I hope that you and your partner can each find the support you need, and can find away through to support each other. Wishing you well,
Fegan's Parent Support Volunteer
You have expressed your wishes, but ultimately the choice is for the mother to make, and I would guess that even if you'd gone for termination, your partner probably wasn't that certain about it, and it wouldn't have gone ahead. In blunt terms, your choice is to support your partner and stay, or to let it drive you apart and you leave. In my view, you should accept her decision and support her and heal any rift that may have happened up until now and build a strong family.