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TOPIC: Struggling to Bond with Second Baby

Struggling to Bond with Second Baby 7 months 6 days ago #100742

Hi,

I just wanted to bring my 2 cents in too, since I'm thankful to all of you for talking about this. I have a 3 year old daughter I adore, and with whom I never had this problem.

But my son is 10 months already, and I have accepted that he is there, but don't feel any warmth towards him. He is nice, handsome, intelligent... but I somehow feel he is not into me either (even though he crawls towards me when he sees me). When he was six months, I even felt anger towards him, to the point of rocking him a bit too hard when he cried (I didn't hurt him, but it scared him; I put the baby down and still feel guilty about that, it happened a handful of times). I was at loss to understand why (well, I wasn't in a good place back then either).

It started to get a bit better as I started playing with him more as he started crawling. But still, not there.

I play with him, I throw him in the air (which he loves), and tell him what everything his (he is always pointing at things). I hope it gets better with time. It's just, I can't understand it; I have such a great relationship with my daughter... By this time, I was already all in with her. I've read somewhere some fathers don't bond until kids reach "little league" age. Well, it should get better. It has to, come on...

Anyway, I leave this here so you know you are not alone, you are not a bad person, and, my own reflection: it has to get better. I'm sure it will. Probably for some of us when the kid starts speaking and we can get to know him better.

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Struggling to Bond with Second Baby 7 months 1 day ago #100828

  • Mojo
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Hi there

Thanks for your honesty, and for sharing what must be a difficult subject for you. Have you ever talked to his Mum about how you feel?

It’s good that you can acknowledge things are getting better, but sharing this with your partner could also help...if you’re close, it wouldn’t surprise me if she already had some idea about it.

Keep making the effort and hopefully you will start to form connections with your son, once he’s on his feet and chatting away, this will be a distant memory.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Struggling to Bond with Second Baby 6 months 3 weeks ago #100937

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I think that the father-daughter and mother-son bonds tend to be the strongest from my own observations, but given time, you'll be amazed how strong that bond will become if you work at it.

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Struggling to Bond with Second Baby 6 months 3 weeks ago #100954

its a God-given bond. my 2 year old daughter clings on to my leg and just follows me all around the house. this was before the break up. and she is no different a year later, even though now i see very little of them. the biggest issue in bonding now would be the arrangements of every other weekend etc. no doubt the kids will naturally become more inclined to the mother as they spend most of the time with her. just have to keep that bond going, and never break it by doing anything silly like hitting children.

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