My ex , self employed accountant. Pays himself dividends-tax free, gets working tax credits, and also pays himself min wage. He pays himself over £4000 pcm. Kept the marital home, changed garage into office and stated it was his business. Went to csa based on min wage, they quoted £9 pw! he pays a few quid more, yet has bought a new car, goes on all inclusive hols and weekends away. I am renting, work art time and am struggling- if I worked more I would not see my kids. I found out he rents out 2 properties as well. I cannot afford to take my kids away, and have to buy discounted food or go to my folks. My folks help out enormously financially. Hence why I am irked at such posts about reducing payments to mothers. Ex states he pays above and beyond what is required of him and accused me of spending the pittance I get on myself!
Hi Booboo,
.
I can fully understand your frustrations with your situation, and I know that this isn't uncommon and happens a lot, that said i don't think Sean has tried to reduce what he pays by hiding his income he has said in his post that he fully intends to inform HMRC of his income from his rental property and if he is liable he will pay the extra, I think he simply was asking what he would be liable for.
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GTTS
Good morn BooBoo2010,
If you think your ex-husband is breaking the law then that would be a matter for the criminal courts, I suspect he is not, and is just taking advantage of the state's arrangements as they stand. There is of course nothing wrong with that, and I'd say that generally there are vastly more women who take advantage of the rules on residency to gain inflated settlements from their husband's estates as well as generous SM and CM payments than there are men who profit (I know, I was married to one).
Your ex-husband's moral obligations towards his children are another matter. You don't mention, but I suspect he maintains a very good relationship with them and treats them very well indeed whilst they are with him.
Best wishes,
O
He buys them everything they want if that is what you mean. Yet he bad mouths me to our children, and refused to agree to an evenly shared christmas, leaving me with 6 broken up days out of 18. He is now got them every weekend in June, I asked him to consider our children as it is my birthday one of the weekends, he said no as it would be taking a huge amount of time off of him. He accused me years ago of deliberatley upsetting our children and put our calls on speaker phone, he have me a list of what I could talk about. He has not brought them home when he should, and made phone calls very difficult. Our chiildren never get quality time with him as his partner is always there, they have asked him and he has said no. So in answer to you're question, he provides for them financilaly whilst they are at his house, but emotionally he is abusive!
Good morning again BooBoo2010,
We have to remember that this thread is about Sean's quite legitimate question regarding CM payments and not go too far on a tangent.
From what you have said it is clear that your ex-husband invests a great deal of his time and effort in his children, which is most commendable. He provides for them very well indeed and has developed a close relationship with them so they enjoy his company and like spending their weekends with him (indeed they seem to have no complaints about spending every weekend with him in some months). I don't seriously think you could expect your ex-husband's new partner not to be at his home when his children reside with him, indeed it is a good thing that she has developed a relationship with them as well.
Sometimes it is difficult not to appear judgmental, I'm trying not to and obviously I don't know all the facts, but you are coming across as being bitter for no apparent reason. You concede that your husband pays you more than the state requires him to (the state's rules, it is no fault of your ex-husband's if you think that insufficient), he is holding down full time employment and at the same time remaining an important influence in your children's lives, this is something your children need (whether you agree or not).
I think most readers of this column (and I would go further and say most reasonable people) would agree that your ex-husband is doing things rather well by your children. Unfortunately you do come across (rightly or wrongly) as being bitter towards your ex-husband and taking out some of that ire on your children, but in your children's case the post separation arrangements seem to work quite well and they have a good relationship with both parents. This is the most important thing.
Very best wishes to you,
O
To Mojo,
In your reply to me you say, quote, "Not knowing an individuals circumstances makes it all the more important to be kind to all." When have I not been kind?
I don't read in the thread that you have sent the same message to BooBoo.
You have given me the strong impression BooBoo can say what she likes (about sean in this instance), whereas I politely say to BooBoo, quote "for anyone on this forum to have expectations of him (sean) as to what he should do with his assets and money, is I believe, unacceptable." Whatever was unkind, lacking in understanding or inappropriate in saying that?
This discussion is getting out of hand. I tried to diffuse it earlier but my motives were questioned. BooBoo has shared her situation with me privately and in confidence, which placed restraints on what I could say.
If I have been gentle with BooBoo it is for very good reason, members that know me, should know that I try always to remain neutral and only have members best interests at heart.
Feelings are running high and things are being said that serve no purpose except to enflame things further.
BooBoo...whilst I understand how you are feeling, I cannot condone personal insults, I've deleted your last post and I'm locking this thread.