[Solved] Complex matter please help!
I need your advise please.
I was in a relationship with my ex for 2 years,she had two kids from different man in her previous relationship before me.
First child 'A' has contact with his dad,goes every forth nightly.
second child 'B' have never had contact with her dad as he left even before she was born. (according to what my ex told me).
things were going fine,enjoying the moment of my life with her and was almost seeming like the perfect match. Child 'B' started seeing me as a fatherly figure,calls me Dad which i wasnt bothered about at first.
now,child 'C' my child,was born and my ex have begged me saying she doesnt want all three kids having different surname so we changed child 'B's name to my last name just as my child (C) have my last name as well,we made the change via Deep poll .. also child B's dad name isnt on her birth certificate.
Relationship had a huge turn.. we ended up splitting up and at first she was very ok with contact for my son,and sometimes I do pick child B up and take for sometime to eat and sometime child B and my son spend the night at mine for few days.
Recently I got to find out that child B's dad is been trying to make contact with his daughter but my ex is refusing it 'because' she wants me to be her dad!
sounds so wrong in many ways to me because i believe every child deserves the right to know their dad. she is only 6. and I spoke to my ex to try and encourage the contact and not block him off,also I told her,maybe child B should come to mine less while she tries to unite her with her dad. Because of this she stopped contact for me seeing my son. saying if i dont want to accept child B as my daughter then I wont see my son. I thought she was joking,but she wasnt.
i have been to a mediation,she refused to go,I have filled and submitted the c100 form as for a contact arrangement been made for my son..
My question is,will the court force child B on me? despite the fact I dont have parental responsibility on her (I am not on her birth certificate)
i just want to reunit with my son as I havent see him for 3 months now.
The court can't force you to have a relationship with child B, but I would say that maybe you should continue to have one, but maybe on a smaller basis than with child C, You have been a father for child B and that should continue, the fact that her biological father has come on the scene shouldn't change that he needs to be part of child B's life, but I feel you do too. It's good that you have tried to promote the fathers involment.
Personally I would be looking at setting up a contact order that includes child B, possible on every other visit you have with child C.
I agree with GTTS. The children are the priority here and if you've been happy to be part of Child B's life whilst in the relationship, it would probably be hurtful for her to now not have contact with you.
Thanks for replying.
I get that. And I haven't refused to see child B.. but mum uses her as a weapon as well.. (saying she isn't mine , I am obsessed with another Man's child) etc.. we all know how spiteful exes are anyway. I will still make contact with her if the court ask me to or believe will be in her best interest but I wouldnt like a contact arrangement where she comes to my house. Because the truth of the matter is .. her mother is not encouraging contact with her real dad.. even I have text evidence where my ex told me .. "His spoke to her on the phone but I havent told her he is her dad" will the court do or say anything about this?
Also I am thinking of backing out from child B because I don't want her growing knowing because of me she miss a chance knowing her biological child. In between all this my son suffers because she decides I can't see him if I don't see her and that's the most hurtful feeling ..
Sorry dads.. I know it's abit of a complex situation. But further advise will be appreciated thanks.
The application is for your child, not your step-child. I agree, it will be confusing for Child B but I think you need to decide whether you want to play a role in her life or not. Either do it properly or not at all. You can't control anything to do with her biological father, that's for him and the mother to resolve. There's no reason why she can't have a relationship with both of you, you have been the constant in her life, she might benefit from some of that while things are so up in the air for her. Only you can make that decision though.
You say that the mother wants you to be involved in child B's life or you can't see your son. But you also say that she accuses you of being obsessed with another man's child (still child B). Maybe pointing this out to her will swing the situation for you by making her decide what she wants. Pointing out that you can't win no matter what probably isn't going to help the situation but I've never been able to work out the rationality of the female mind anyway. It always seems to me that they want to have their cake, eat it and refuse to eat it at the same time in case they put on weight, which is probably your fault anyway because she got pregnant 🙂 Either way, you're not getting any of the cake because if you eat it when she refuses to you'll be selfish!
Thanks for the replies Dads..its a huge roller coaster with her,i have been through heaven and [censored] with her tbh,another comment shes made to my new partner is (because i have moved on and i have another daughter who is 4months old atm,and my new partner had a kid from her previous relationship and he is Caucasian). 'how will she cope having a WHITE kid and also having a mix race kid' to me i think thats abit racist and i hope the judge consider that when i present the evidence.
tbh going through the text messages and communication we had is making me distress with all the comments she made. even at one point said 'she hopes my baby die'. Things like this is making me come to the decision i only want my son. nothing else. more involvement with her is very distressing and I am so sure she would make life difficult between my son and i but i dont mind,he is my flesh and blood.
i wont paint my self as a saint because i have expressed my anger via text to her,i have called her a [censored],[censored],and a very inresponsible mum. i hold my hands up to that. But she? she have been an absolute nightmare.
will keep you dads updated after my first hearing which will be coming up soon.