Hello people I am Craig, I'm 24 in a relationship and have a 9 month old child, Me and my partner have been up and down in this relationship for months now I keep non feeling like it's not working and seriously think about leaving her and my baby boy, I have tried to make it better but since losing my job money has become extremely tight now and this close to Xmas aswell it's just so horrible I have been seeking help from my doctor receiving tablets for depression aswell as stress with recurring migranes and now the benefit centre tells me I'm not entitled to ESA anymore great that's all I need so never mind us being screwed for money but I'm in no fit state to even drag myself out of bed sometimes and with my partner arguing with me most of the day I just don't see the point in trying anymore everyone I seek for advice just gives me the "ah it will be fine just keep your head up" lines like that helps. I am waiting till Xmas and New year is over with first then like I said with all the problems if I split with my partner she and my boy will be better off as a couple younger crippled more than a single parent that's just wrong .
Sorry to ramble on like this its just as a new father I'm struggling how can I leave my partner when she goes on about having another child and how much she loves me but then has a go because I'm not ready well we are both not set for another little one any time soon I need some space which I can't get coz she is to clingy ARGH I have no idea how to break the news I want to separate from her when I can't even tell her I'm having these thoughts
I was hoping someone out here might have been through a similar scenario who could just give me a little advice to help me make my next steps
Thanks for reading and sorry for rambling on just need to speak my story 🙁
Hi Craig
I'm sorry to hear about your struggle and wish there was some constructive advice I could offer.
Does your partner know that you have been seeking help for depression? I guess you are both stressed out and that is causing more arguments...you need to sit down with her and have a good talk about how you are feeling and how hard you are finding it at the moment... It really very important to communicate with her.
The fact is your financial situation will be having an effect on your emotions too, it's one of the main causes of relationships failing. You could appeal the DWPs decision about ESA, go back and speak to your doctor and make an appointment with the CAB and see if they can help you with this.
Sometimes it helps to talk a problem through and at least you've got it out in the open here, which should feel a relief...the next step is to start talking to your partner and if you have any close family members or friends it might help to talk to them about how you're feeling.
All the best
Hi thanks for responding it's nice to know people are there lol.
Well yes my partner does know I was seeking help she was the one who dragged me to the doctors in the first place lol and Yh I suppose I do need to communicate more but I have had a problem with that for a long time I find it a lot easier to talk to a stranger for some reason rather than my partner or family and friends
And with the DWP stuff I gave to make an appeal 2 days before Xmas and with them just stopping my payments I'm now out of pocket for Xmas ha lovely ain't it. Well I hope I'm taking the right steps to sort the financial part of this out by new year or at least have a hearing for my appeal just after soon see
And yes it was a relief just to post something here I know it's not the most productive way to talk about something but an outside perspective is always good thanks for the little advice it's already better than most I have received lately like I say people just say the same thing to me and even the doctor isn't interested I asked for counciling a few weeks ago to see if I can talk and clear some thoughts but he just turned round and said he doubt he can help with that either
Thanks again and I will try and speak to my partner I just need to feel more comfortable before I do coz I'm basically volatile and might just walk out but if I take my time and slowly get there I suppose that might help 🙂 thank you and have a merry xmas
And another good point I try and go out for a breather like go to my friends for an hour but yet my partner kicks off every time I only got 1 friend left in the town I live and I can't see him without starting an argument psst
So last night I sat my partner down so we could talk about what's been going on and try and make sense off a few things well this is how not went.
It started as you would expect she understood that I had a lot I needed to talk about and started open minded I mentioned that I am in a horrible place right now and how the money and stress was affecting me big time she came around quite nicely to this conversation then we moved on I started talking about our relationship and how I felt we need to work on a couple of things oh she didn't like that accused me of being guilty about something and tried to start an argument so I snapped back as a man would then we had a coffee and a smoke before I carried on then I wanted to talk about how I felt controlled unable to get some freedom and go out she shouted at me saying things like you take the [censored] when your out and take like 3 hours before you come back, well that's weird coz when I was working 12 hour days she was more than happy to get rid off me coz there was money at the end for her. Ha ironic she can go out for 7-8 hours with her pals and everything fine there but I try and go out for a few hours and he'll breaks lose she had a right go at me when I said this was not fair now this is were it gets good, I put a stop to these talks and went to bed early get some breathing room etc... so she comes to bed a couple of hours later and wakes me up saying I'm sorry please forgive me never ment to kick off with you earlier, so I said what's the point in apologising you made it obvious it's always has to be your way so we went to sleep in a mood then this morning she woke me u with a coffee and that like she does when it's her morning with our son acting all happy like normal but when I turned around and said right I'm off out for the day been asked to go for a drive and that she jumped the gun and blew her gasket again "see you never do anything for us just for your mates go on then [censored] off" simple eh nah when I got back a couple of hours ago she made it clear she was in a mood so I said here's 20 pound go treat ya self ah she went off it again I swear down what's the dam point of even trying anymore why is it so hard just to pack my stuff and leave I'm not a bad person and have high loyalty but when all I get is dig after dig and stupid apologies just to be targeted again it's just a [censored] take grrr sorry again to ramble but it's nice just to speak out without back lash from it
...would it not have been better to accept her apology when she came up to bed? It's not a good idea to go to sleep on an argument and sometimes you have to play the long game....had you accepted her apology and had a cuddle before going to sleep she would have woken up in a better mood which might have made it easier for her to be happier about you going out. If she showed she wasn't happy then you could have given her something to look forward to....something like..."I'm sorry love, I've said I'll do xxxxx but when I get back we can have a chat and maybe go out and do something together, what would you like to do?"
I know it's difficult, but this stalemate needs to be broken and that means making more of an effort and being the bigger person.