Can you please give me some advice on this and what its best to do now. I had another court hearing yesterday which judge gave me the access order to having my kids every Saturday 9-6 I am happy with this but I did request every fortnight on Saturday 9-6 then again on the Sunday 9-6.
My partner is not happy and said this will not work with our family. She has sent a letter to the court:
Upon speaking with my partner who I live with I am emailing to inform that I do not agree to the terms in the order which I was coerced into agreeing to today 28/09/2016. I feel I was pressured into agreeing to the order or I wouldn’t be able to see my children at all. The order does not consider the effect on other family members and the amount of quality time I would get to spend with my children and as a family unit.
It would not be in the best interest for my children to only come for one day at a time and on a weekly basis. For a number of reasons;
My children may have social activities they may want to attend on Saturdays such as birthday parties which they would have to miss. As the court is aware my ex refused contact on my day because they had a party to go to. This is also true of my step daughters who need some Saturdays to visit friends and go to parties. This gives them less time to form relationships with my son & daughter if they are not coming every other Sunday when they could get more time together as a family. My partner and I work every weekday until late and Saturdays is the only opportunity for the children to socialise by having friends over which would be unmanageable with 4 children in the house, particularly with my son’s attention seeking behaviours and aggression. Alternate weekends would resolve this as plans could be made to tie in this this giving the best to everyone.
My step daughters both have clubs which they attend every Saturday morning which means half the day is gone and we can’t take my son and daughter out on day trips which we would have done on the Sunday most Sundays we had them as we have always done. Only coming a Saturday with these club times in mind means we are separated as a family unit for half of the day and we do not get quality time to reform attachments and relationships as a family which is a vital consideration in the best interests of son and daughter.
I also go away with my partner and Step children for some weekends which is an important part of our family life for me to build and maintain relationships with my step children who have no other father figure in their lives as he does not want to be involved. I need to be able to do this without son and daughter being there as I need to focus on them when they are with me. My ex has also refused contact because she took son and daughter camping and away on holidays so keeping it every other weekend still allows her to do that.
The court said there is no reason why I can’t be involved in taking my son to football and myself and my partner want to go and watch him and my son has asked me to take him. Football is a huge father and son bonding opportunity and I feel I should not be denied that opportunity. Me having my children every other Saturday and Sunday would mean ex’s partner can still be involved and I can still be involved by taking it in turns. And that compromise and agreement and son getting the best of both worlds is in his best interests rather than him being devastated that I’m not there when everyone else’s dads are.
I implore the courts to recognise the importance of wider relationships and the importance of myself, my partner, my step daughters and my children to be able to form a family relationship and to have quality time to be able to do that.
I would also ask the courts to take my son’s wishes around me being at football into account.
I would propose we do every other Saturday 9am – 6pm until the start of the school Christmas holidays if the settling back in is of a concern for my ex then move to every other Saturday and Sunday 9am-6pm as it has always been and has always worked without any problems and provides stability and routine for all parties concerned.
I do not know what to do now I want to see my kids but every Saturday is probably too much and I do have to consider my partner and her girls who I live with
Wait and see what comes back from the court sounds like a good compromise everyone wins good that they are considered and wanted as part of the whole family
I doubt the court will give weight to this letter but you should receive a reply within the next 7-10 days.
You could request an urgent new hearing or look into appealing the decision as this would get the matter before a District Judge but you need to take some specific legal advice.
Ok thanks I will look at getting legal advice