Hi there
I am writing here to know any one's views of my situation as I am unable to figure out what's actually happening!
To tell you the story, 17 days ago when i came home from night shift at 830am, my wife and 6 month old son were not at home and after searching for them in all the ususual places I reported to police as missing persons. After a day police found them and told me that they are safe and well but my wife asked police not to reveal her whereabouts to me so police didn't reveal her address. This has come to me as a total shock as we were quite happy in relationship and there were no fights involved or i don't even remember when we had argument last time! I raised concerns with police giving all reasons that she might not be in right state of mind as this is totally out of her character but police kept saying that she is fine and advised me to go to citizens advice or contact solicitor for child contact. After waiting for 2 weeks and finding out that she has cancelled gp's apt and health visitor's apts for my son, i raised concerns with police again and asked to enquire about why she is not contacting me regarding the child contact. Police spoke to her and said that she has sent a letter to me through her solicitor regarding child contact arrangements.
Letter from solicitor doesn't state anything about contact but only her wish to move to another far away city (400 miles) and she was wishing to find a job, accomodation and child care in that new city. She will allow me to see my son once a month when she moves to new city. She is on maternity leave at the moment and due to go back to work here in July. She only worked 20 hours per week even before the pregnancy. I was the main earner and responsible for payhing for everything and her earnings were put in her own savings account. Flat is on my name as i bought it 6 years before we got married and she hasn't contributed for mortgage.
I sent a reply back through solicitor that i am not consenting for her move and I will do everything to support her and my child in this city in terms of shared care and child care and i would move out of my own place so that they can move back in so we can resolve this matter amicably.
My dilemma is I don't know what is the reason why she left? Don't know where she is ? I haven't seen my son for 17 days now. Her parents say they haven't heard from her at all but i suspect they are lying about it. I am concerned about my wife and child's safety and well being regardless of she want s to separate from me.
My question is Does she has right to refuse contact with my child without citing any reason? Does she has right to move my son without my consent stating it will be in his best interests!!! She doesn't have a job or accomodation in the new city and would probably getting benefits from govt. Would govt back her up for her whole story? When i am saying i will give flat, maintenance, shared care and child care if wishes to work full time, would the govt back her up and will spend tax payers money and give her benefits to move to a new city ! without father and without any family relations?
I would really appreciate any one's thoughts on this and advice what i can do and can't. I wish she should have told me one word that she wanted to separate and i would have respected that and i would have moved out of my flat and supported her in any way possible. I really don't want to go through court and spend money on solicitors when my money belongs to my son and for my wife. I am really depressed about the whole situation and would appreciate any suggestions or advice . Thanks.
Without a court order, she can control whether you have contact or not, although she is supposed to facilitate contact unless she has a good reason for not doing so.Her actions do concern me insofar as there is the possibility she might be intending to claim domestic violence (which will get her free legal aid). You could possibly go for a prohibited steps order to prevent her moving if she is only moving to make contact difficult.
As this is presumably potentially heading towards a divorce, I think at this stage it's worth having a consultation with a solicitor, not necessarily engage him for all of the work, but I think you need to consider what could happen next.
Hi There,
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I think by the sounds of things actd could be right in his thinking that she may be planning on claiming DV, it all seems a bit odd that she has just upped and left without any word and ther not being any issues, she could be suffering from post natal depression and has been hiding it (just a thought)
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I think you should speak with a solicitor before doing anything, but if you do need to apply to court then you can apply for a search and find order along with the child arrangement order and the courts will be able to find her location and gain contact with her.
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If you apply for a search and find order then there is no need to attend mediation before applying as far as I can remember.
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GTTS
Thanks guys for your views on this. I was thinking the same that she might be claiming DV and must be in a shelter home some where! I went to police last weekend and enquired with them if they have a case against me ! They confirmed that there is no case againist me and there are no allegations made against me.
When do you think she would bring up any sort of those DV allegations in to the case? Do you think she would make those allegations if I go to court for residency contact order ?
Can I apply for prohibited steps order and search & find order my self or does it has to be through solicitor? My solicitor only mentioned about interdict as that is the only option not to leave the current city!
Hi there
Are you in Scotland? I only ask because I think an interdict is part of the Scottish legal framework. If this is the case the family law in Scotland is different to what happens here, I'm not sure that you would be able to apply for a Seek and find order, but there may be a Scottish equivalent.
If you do live in Scotland you might like to talk to the Scottish Children's Legal Centre for more advice, here's a link to their website
www.sclc.org.uk
If you are resident in England or Wales then you can apply for a seek and find order using form C4 and you can also apply for a Chld Arrangements Order for contact and a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her leaving at the same time, or can be applied for with form C100.
All the best
Thanks for your reply. Yes i am in Scotland. I guess the legal system is different in Scotland. Just wanted to know, Until now Police has confirmed that there is no case against me and no allegations were against me. She has sent a letter through solicitor asking for my consent for relocation to London. As other members suggested, would she has a right to make false allegations of domestic violence now after 20 days? If she makes allegations of DV, would the child contact be stopped? If she was intending to make allegations against me, what was the point in asking me for my consent for relocation?
As I am expecting all the worse possibilites, if she makes allegations , would I be arrested straighaway? Do the Police try to know the facts before they act? or would they leave it for court to decide?
Please give me your ideas or please share the story of any one who has gone through this kind of situation.
Thanks.