I am in the process of splitting up with my wife who I have been with for 18 years and we got married 11 years ago. We have 3 amazing children and I love them all to bits, including my wife who is an amazing person.
My wife told me just over a week ago that it was over and this weekend I am moving out of the family home while we sort out the split. Luckily my wife and I can still talk on sensible terms and things are going as well as they could be, although I do not want to be moving out of the house. I am doing this to give my wife time and space.
However, as the point I will actually leave comes closer I am starting to feel scared of what the future holds and what it might do to me and my relationship with my children. Last night I had a horrible dream that my wife and I had a new baby and that I couldn't remember it's name and that other people were looking after the baby and it cried when I picked it up.
There is no subtext to that dream, I am petrified of what will happen to my relationship with my children as the split takes place. My oldest is 8 years old and we were just starting to spend some great time together as friends rather than dad who is always telling him to tidy up or do his homework. Things like playing xbox together or going for a bike ride were great and helping him with his homework was fun as well.
If anyone has any experiences or advice that might be comforting in this situation please let me know.
Hi there
Change is scary, but what helps is the fact that your ex is willing to work with you for the sake of the kids. Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for, your children will adapt to the changes and as long as you and your ex can show a United front and can be flexible with one another, it should work well...you'll. still be able to do the things you enjoy with your children and in this modern age of techno ledge, you'll only be a screen away, with face time and Skype and texts.
Hopefully others will be along to share their experiences with you
All the best
The best thing you can do is to try to worl together with your ex for the sake of the children and also for your own sake - it's far better to get on with each other if possible than to go through the courts, and just accpet that there may be a bit of negotiating sometimes, and don't dig your heels in for things that don't really matter.
I'm also in the process of breaking up with my partner and leaving my 3 children and it is soul destroying but the fact that you are been amicable is a HUGE advantage in all of this.
I can't tell you how painful it is trying to work things out about the children with an ex who isn't willing to be amicable and fair.
I really hope you can agree on your access and at least be friends and respectful with each other as it will really help the children understand that even through all of this you are two great people.
I wish you well.
Moving out, having space and talking amicably sounds like you have the best tools it's possible to have in these situations. Just take small steps, keep the focus on what's best for the children and eventually the grown ups heads & hearts will catch up with one another.
Best of luck