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Hi there,
I`m a 41year old father o 5 but my 2 daughters that are still at home are 2 and 12 years old.The problem is my daughter is going through puberty and has started her period,right now her behaviour is stressing me out.
She not a bad kid it`s just her back chat that really gets to me i kknow i shoud ignore her but sometimes it gets me so wound up.When she starts on my WF i feel ive got to back her up but i then get it from the wife for shouting..i have to say that i am bad for saying things before i think and then its to late.
Plus i am bad for callin my daughter silly names like a muppet,stupid or other derogatory remarks i know that this does`nt help but i find it so hard to ignore,plus my youngest is at the terrable 2ws and is very hyper.Her sister will come in and play wi her for a bit then leaves her just when were tryin to get her to sleep or chill down.then my youngest is so wound up it takes us ages to try and get her to chill again.Right now im really going through a hard tome as i suffer from severe depression and the kids behaviour does`nt help............................
Tam
Hi again Tam
It is hard not to get wound up when your daughter is back-chatting you - I know I've been there myself with my daughter. It is best though if you can back off, try to ignore the comments and stay calm because the more you get wound up and shout, the worse the situation becomes and she learns that this is the way to handle things.
Calling her names or making other derogatory comments won't help her feel good about herself and will have a negative effect on her self-esteem. You don't say anything about how you were brought up, just that you came from a family that shouted (your other post) so perhaps you are copying the way your parents treated you and talked to you and the same phrases come out, even ones we hated and vowed we'd never use on your own kids.
Your daughters need your unconditional love. They need to feel loved just because they're them, faults and all. It's the absolute security of knowing they're loved and valued day in day out, good days and bad days that helps them to feel confident and encourage them to behave in acceptable ways - well, most of the time. Criticism eventually makes them feel they can never get it right so they might as well give up trying.
Pay as little attention to bad behaviour as possible, but do take a firm line over it. It doesn't help that your daughter has hit puberty and her hormones are all over the place. Try to allow for that - it really isn't her fault and things will eventually calm down (my daughter is 17)!
I'm sorry that you are suffering from severe depression and I can imagine that this takes it toll on you but I hope that the advice above will help you a little.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
