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[Solved] 14 year old son says he is depressed

 
trinity
(@trinity)
Trusted Member Registered

My Son has just told me he is feeling depressed, it comes as no surprise as he has been doing a lot of sleeping and his activities have come to a complete standstill, even playing games on his pc have almost stopped. He's not into girls just yet and had assured me there is no one bullying him or anything else bothering him he just feels flat all the time. I have made an appointment with the Dr as I feel he does need help and I don't know what else to do really.
He lives with me 3 nights a week and deep down I feel he might be better off living with his mum now full time as all the moving back and forth is tiring for him, I have done my best by him and I have been very lucky to have him stay with me, it's more than many dads get and I would love to have him live with me perminant but I work 12 hour shifts so it's just not possible just now.
He has lived with me for 3 years staying 3 nights a week has worked but I know there must come a time when he will want to live in one home and perhaps that time is fast approaching.
I know he talks to me more about his problems and I'm sure he would like to live with me all the time but he is genuinely torn between me and his mum, he says he couldn't imagine not spending time with us both.
I don't get on with his mum at all and have tried many times to get along but she always ends up reverting back to abuse so it's never going to get better and my son knows that which doesn't help.
I don't think my situation is that unusual so I would love to hear anybody's thoughts what they went through and any advice on where to go from here.
I have an arrangement that has worked when he was 11 but kids grow up eh so I feel I have some difficult decisions ahead.

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Topic starter Posted : 09/12/2015 2:49 pm
got-the-tshirt
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,
.
I think your right to take him to the doctors and whilst I have no other advice really just wanted to say that i think your handling things the right way, in being ready to adapt to what he needs you are being there for him in the way he needs you. The doctor may suggest some counselling, maybe one on one with your son or even group with you all or even a mixture, it's a shame you don't get on with his mum as that is probably adding to his distress, would you be able to give getting on another try, in light of how your son is feeling, maybe it's what he needs at the moment.
.
GTTS

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Posted : 09/12/2015 3:15 pm
trinity
(@trinity)
Trusted Member Registered

There is no chance, I have tried on numerous occasions and even look after her dog for her while she goes away to be with her boyfriend to try and get on with her but she takes every opportunity to attack me verbally and mentally.
I believe she is trying to grind me down until I say I can't cope and will ask her to have my son full time. She doesn't work and and I think she would just be happy to be taking more maintenance off me if she had him full time.
We tried going out once a month for a meal in the past with the kids, I would always have to pay the bill and she would get pissed and even want sex! I could see the kids didn't enjoy it so I told her what I thought and we've never go on since.
If I ask her to have my son for 1 extra day even months in advance I get abuse and so for 3 years I have lived my life picking my son up at 12 on a Sunday and dropping him off at 12 on a Wed.
I was late once in those 3 years and she made me suffer for weeks afterwards.
My life is much better without any contact from her.
She is not so bad with my kids I'm sure, she just seems to be evil when it comes to me, not that I cheated on her when we were together, or drank or gambled our relationship just broke down and she has ended up so bitter.
Sorry about the rant.

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Topic starter Posted : 09/12/2015 3:39 pm
got-the-tshirt
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi,
.
Don't worry about the rant, it's the best place to do it, It's a shame that she wouldn't put the past behind her for the sake of your son, but I guess if you've tried and she just won't there isn't much you can do.
.
Just be there for your son no matter what I and come here to rant.
.
GTTS

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Posted : 09/12/2015 4:11 pm
trinity liked
trinity
(@trinity)
Trusted Member Registered

So I tell my daughter that my son is depressed and she tells her mum. Next thing I get an email saying I have no right discussing my sons health with her and she'll be contacting her solicitor. I wanted my daughter to know so that he would have someone to talk to, because I know from experience that you can say stuff to your siblings that you just can't say to your mum and dad.

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Topic starter Posted : 10/12/2015 2:56 am
got-the-tshirt
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,
.
Don't worry, I think your right to say something to your daughter, and I don't think there is anything a solicitor could try and enforce becuase you have, what conversations you have with your children (within reason) is down to you not your ex.
.
GTTS

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Posted : 10/12/2015 12:53 pm
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