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[Solved] Privacy issues

 
bigted
(@bigted)
Active Member Registered

Privacy issue.....need your advice.....
my Daughter asked me about her right to privacy, i have always knocked on her door and ask if i can come in, never just barged strait in, i know that much 😀 .
Right now she is insisting that i never go in her room even if she is here or not, i can see it from her point that it is her sanctuary, her space,and some where she can escape to so in a way i agree with her.
Now the thing is this....
1, if she needs clean washing will she show the maturity to bring her dirty stuff down, i guess i can answer that by..when she runs out of clothes ect but as the social services are still involved at a lower level i dont want anyone accusing me of neglect because she hasnt got any clean clothes and the school saying she is smelling because she forgot to put her school uniform in the wash.
2, There is a maintainable issue here, i know in the past she has "lost it" big time with her anger and gone upstairs to smash holes in the wall with a barbell, i am the one who will get the bill for damage if she wrecks her room.
3,is privacy a privilege and how do i make sure she keeps her room tidy, ie if the bath towels all go missing ect !!
4,Obviously she can abuse this right to no entry by stealing or hiding stuff in her room and not expecting me to go and retrieve it.
5 and finally how on earth do i make it sound like we are trying to work as a team and she is not getting it all her own way, yes i could impose sanctions and say i need to see your room once a month to make sure there is no damage that would be down to me to repair if we left.
We cant agree. ok i lost it a bit..not flaming but had to raise my voice to make a point, but it does seem she is trying to push the boundaries again for her own advantage

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Topic starter Posted : 14/01/2011 6:36 am
mikey
(@mikey)
Reputable Member Registered

Hi Bigted

I sympathise! As the parent of a teenage daughter, her room is still cleaned, tidied, bedding changed by her mum. Many parents still clear up their child's room well into the teens. There may be a temptation to investigate piles of schoolwork, etc and to pry, particularly if there is any cause for concern.

On the one hand your daughter is right to make her room a no-go area because chances are you will come across something that she deems to be private or which she doesn't want you to see. Teenagers want special space, usually their bedrooms, that will reflect their moods, interests and search for a sense of identity. Parents need to set some guidelines up front.

Tell your daughter her privacy will be respected unless her behaviour strongly suggests there is a serious problem that she is denying. Open communication is always the priority. But if there are strong signs that all is not well, then the rules change.

If your daughter wants no access, she must, however, agree to keep her room clean to a reasonable standard and put away her own clothes, replace her bedding and agree to some limitations – for example, no drugs, drinking alcohol, smoking, entertaining the opposite sex without permission, using the computer or her mobile inappropriately.

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Posted : 14/01/2011 1:57 pm
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