I'm just struggling a bit with the circumstances I'm been put in my ex I was with for 6 years on and off had some really good times but also been to [censored] and back I had a daughter and son with her about 3 years into the relationship we split up she got with someone else was involved in drugs and stuff I didn't see my kids for a year and half or see her in that time till 1 day I got a phone call saying she has had my children removed from her care long story short I got back with her after this happened and had to go through courts and everything fighting to have them returned it didn't work out and the courts basically forced them into adoption as they seen that as the best thing for my children. We still remained together through all that and I ended up getting her pregnant again so my son was born in December 2016 things were ok a little but my ex suffers from depression and anxiety and a personality disorders she always seems to want to fight against me not trust me always accuse me of cheating or saying things about me that are not true I have been in full time work trying to do the best I can do now about 3 weeks ago I left to go to work so I woke her up to look after our son while on the way to work I get a phone call from my neighbour saying my son is at the bottom of the stairs screaming so I rushed home to find him he had climbed over the stair gate and fell down the stairs my ex was still fast asleep police ended up coming then social worker I took my son to the hospital to make sure he was ok fortunately he was fine now my ex has left the property and i have been advised not to let her back or I will probably end up in a court battle again and risk losing my son and also had to sign something to say I would not leave my son unsupervised with my ex the social worker is really happy with my parenting towards my son and her only concern is that I will get back with my ex that for sure ain't going to happen with the threat of court action if I did what I'm having a problem with though is how can I still let my ex see our son when she is not allowed unsupervised contact with him inless I'm present well I'm finding this really difficult as I still obviously love my ex even through all the problems I cant just let go of feelings but the more I am having to see her the more contact I'm having with her like I feel I need to be away from her
Hi There,
Would you have any family or friends that could supervise her time with your son, as this would be the best option so that you don't need to have contact during this time.
It's hard as you must feel torn between loving her and not wanting to be with her because of your son.
GTTS
No my family are all 350 mile away I do have a bit of friends support we're I am and my ex don't have any family here either other then her sister and social worker has said that she ain't suitable and it's just hard for me having to be around her when I still really would like to be with her and have that happy family but after 6 years of trying already lost 2 of my other children staying in that relationship I realise that there is no way I can ever go back to it that's why I would like to stay away and not really have any contact with my ex I think tomorrow I will have a chat with social worker about it and see what advice she can give to me
Also like my son keeps me going all day which gives me the ability to block everything else out but when he sleeps that's when my emotions come out more not been use to this lonliness
I would see if there is any way that SS will allow you to continue a relationship with the mother if you do actually want to do that. I was thinking along the lines of getting a babysitter in on occasions so you can go out for a date with her, but with the understanding that she can't come back to the house. It is a bit of a long shot, but you need to be clear in what your feelings are so you can then make a decision on where you want to go next.
Hi there
I think it's sensible to speak to the social worker about the difficulties you're having, just be honest and explain how difficult it is to be around your ex, the facts are that it's only been three weeks, and you haven't had a chance to resolve your feelings for her, that will take time.
We can't just switch off feelings for the people that we love, but as parents it's our job to prioritise our children's safety above everything else. It must have been so hard to lose your two older children, I can totally understand why it's so important to you, not to let it happen again.
It might be that Social Services can arrange for a contact centre, or something similar, where your child can be visited by his mother safely.
All the best
Thanks actd for your reply although I would love to continue a relationship though having been in it for nearly 6 years and her personality disorders/depression anxiety she has and already losing 2 of my children due to staying in a relationship with her even no I do love her I think for now it's best I stay out of it for my son's well being and hopefully she can sort her problems out first
@mojo thank you also for your reply I had a chat with social worker she understands my situation and that I do still have feelings and how difficult it would be for me been around her so she is going to arrange contact In a safe place with someone else over seeing it
Although my ex is been very difficult about this all she had arranged contact to see our son on Friday and didn't show up also she had a meeting with social worker and didn't turn up and she was also claiming his child tax credit and child benefit and has refused to give the money to help me get what my son needs electric/food/nappies ect I have had to quit my full time job to look after my son full time so not been the easiest for me
The social worker has also said to me she is happy in how I am caring for my son and from reading stuff from the case with my other 2 children that i lost my parenting assessment was really positive and everything was really good the only issue last time was that they believed I was prioritizing my relationship with the mother then my child's needs which wasn't even the case if I had that choice previously I would of left the relationship for sure! Either way I should only be on child in need we're as if I got back with my ex it would probably go straight to court
So just a little update had a initial child protection meeting today I have had no contact with my son's mother any contact social worker has arranged she has failed to turn up she also did not come to this meeting today!
Social worker and support worker have said I'm doing a really great job and meeting all my son's needs yet they still place him on the child protection register I find this absolutely shocking! This register is for children who are at risk or likely to suffer significant harm/emotional harm the only concern they really have is that they believe I could possibly get back with my son's mother and also that I didn't inform them of my ex's mental health dropping when I was in a relationship with her! How is this even possible they can put him on a child protection register my son ain't at risk or likely to suffer from any I feel that I have eliminated all that risk by not having any contact with my son's mother!
There reasoning is I have only had sole care of my son for a month so they want more time to monitor this apparently ? But why child protection couldn't this be monitored on a child in need plan
Hi there
Thanks for the update, I think it's favourable that they are giving you lots of reassurance about how well you're caring for your son.
I think they're just being cautious, you did tell them that you still love her and historically you did go back with her... that's not a criticism, I'm just trying to see it from their point of view.
Give them more time to feel reassured that your situation is stable, as you say it's only been a month, and once they're confident that your situation is settled, they will back off I'm sure.
Just work with them, carry on what you're doing and it will come good I'm sure.
All the best