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[Solved] When you have to purchase items?

New Member Registered

Hi all. new here and trying to help my wonderful husband, a father of two beautiful boys.

His Ex is starting to deny access and also when we do see them send without clothing.

As we only see the children once, maybe twice a month we feel it unnecessary and foolish to purchase clothes for them when they keep being sent with nothing.

I was told by two separate individuals that if we purchase anything for the children, clothing, extra curricula lessons etc then we can actually claim back from the CSA as the money we give (£700 per month) is not spousal support as they were not married but purely for the children’s well being.

Obviously we do not begrudge the children this money but it is not being spent on the children and we do feel in order to make her step up and send them with clothes that if that is an option we should do this.

We are currently spending an additional £100 per month of music lessons, horse riding, cricket and clothes, none of which they do with us but 250 miles away with their mother

Any thoughts or knowledge anyone may have would very much be appreciated.

Topic starter Posted : 06/12/2012 9:28 pm
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there and welcome 🙂

I'm afraid you have been misinformed, the money she receives from the CSA is hers to do with what she wants wrong I know!

The CSA will not take anything you pay extra into account I'm afraid., and if you reduce the money, you will find yourself in arrears and will be made to pay it back.

There are several threads on here about this same problem, my son has had the same problem. In the end we just kept clothes for my grandson which he used when he was with us and we would change him back to the clothes he came in when he went back... After a few weeks as he began to grow out of them we would send them home with him and get some new....I found Primark to be a great place to shop for his clothes, very cheap and cheerful and on trend!

As far as denying access is concerned, it might be an idea to try some mediation with the mother. It can be helpful in situations kike this and the issue with the clothes etc could be discussed too...Heres a link ~

Good luck with everything 🙂

Posted : 07/12/2012 12:01 am
New Member Registered

Thank you NannyJane - most helpful if a little frustrating.

I find this behavious so asinine and I purposfully did not want the kids to have a here and there scenario. She now has them texting their dad to put off coming to see us and I feel this blatant manipulation of 2 small children is appalling.

I really wish they could come live with us but as w all know the courts favour the mum even though she has not proved great so far and has no support system,yet we are married, almost mortgage free, excellent schools and a huge family ( its like the [censored] Waltons!) we feel they get more from us.

Very frustrated.

Topic starter Posted : 11/12/2012 9:42 pm
Illustrious Member Registered

...I completely understand how you feel, it is awful to have the here and there scenario...I used to feel awful putting him back into his old discoloured, too small clothes. But the frustration of buying clothes never to see them again, time after time, just becomes too wearing, the here there scenario then becomes the lesser of two evils! 😡

Again, I fully appreciate how you feel knowing you could provide them with a better home life. There usually has to be serious neglect/abuse before the courts award custody to the non resident parent... my son now has custody of his five year old son, there are Dads out there that have taken the system on and won!

Good luck with everything. 🙂

Posted : 11/12/2012 11:13 pm
Prominent Member Registered

Hi Londonbird. I would be naffed off about the clothes to, but Nj is right just buy a few outfits to wear at yours. I would be more concerned that she is controlling contact. I would try mediation first but then take her to court for a defined contact order , you can do this yourself by applying to the court it cost £200. wow £700 and a extra £100 shes one lucky mum

Posted : 12/12/2012 2:26 am

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