Well the 5 day fact finding is coming up in November. Ex is making further allegations, getting her new husband to write a statement of lies, but she's still not submitting paperwork as ordered, like no reponse to his list of allegations as ordered. The pressure on him is immense and it's taking a huge toll on his health and wellbeing. This woman has an army of people supporting her, Cafcass, the Guardian, social services, family, various support groups and counsellors. He has no one and he feels the whole world is out to prove he's abused his child. His hope now is the judge will see through the lies, because there is no proof whatsoever, and accept his allegation that ex has mentally abused the child by making him lie about abuse and attend numerous counselling sessions for it. His solicitor has suggested he applies for custody in this case but realistically does he have a hope of that? He has no job, lives in a one bed flat and has little family support. In his mind the children could be put in care for a bit while he sorted himself out. I really can't see this happening. I want him to have the best chance he can. What can he do to show he's the better parent bearing in mind he's not seen them for over a year and the two eldest think he's a monster. I know the children's best interests are paramount in the eyes of the court. It's heartbreaking that this man has been allowed no contact with his children whatsoever for 20 months because of lies that no one can see through.
I'm in kind of a similar situation to your partner. When my ex started making false allegations, I decided I would start recording her and deliberately bought up topics that were contentious. Sometimes I was calm, sometimes we argued. But slowly, the truth emerged, all recorded on video and audio. Over a series of weeks, her stories contradicted each other in so many ways - different things said, different times they were supposed to have happened, etc. She even admitted that she had lied, on video.
She told the school different things, she told the council different things, she told me different things. The same with the police and social services. Her court forms have contradicted the things she said previously. I requested copies of these things under the freedom of information act and the data protection act. Her conversation with cafcass contradicted everything said before.
I even have a recording of the time I revealed that I had been recording her and have her hyperventilating, begging me not to report her to social services and the police.
I was really concerned that the courts wouldn't allow the recordings to be submitted as evidence until the FHDRA recently when the judge granted me permission to submit them. Now I have 56Gb of recorded data, reports and all kinds of paperwork that will all support my story. I have spent weeks analysing, cross-referencing and taking apart every single thing she said and showing how she twists, manipulates, lies and controls.
I doubt that this approach is going to help you so late in the day, but you might be able to think of something that will show that she has contradicted herself.
A word of advice to any fathers out there who do find themselves on the nasty end of false allegations. Your future with your children may depend on you being able to prove that you are innocent of the things you are accused of. It will be almost impossible for you to get legal aid. It is not illegal to record you and your partner having conversations. It is not immoral or underhand, as some organisations within this industry might suggest. Courts will accept recordings as evidence as long as they are in their original form and have not been tampered with.
My ex partner has alleged that I have done some terrible things. Abuse of her and the children, kidnapping, threats to kill the children, pretty much every crime I could have been accused of in a relationship and as a father, I have been. I have now applied for residency and I hope my claim will be mostly supported by these recordings I have made. I don't regret taking them in the slightest way.
Yes his case is very similar to yours. His ex and her lies got him arrested and almost charged but the police spotted inconsistencies in her statements amongst other things. Now he's being tried by the family court which is devastating as the police NFA'd him months ago and he thought that was the end of it. This woman's lies have beaten and broken him, his sole focus is court now and nothing else. He too has spent hours analysing her statements to pull out inconsistencies and lies, he's got all sorts of evidence including recordings and stuff from social media. He's just hoping it's enough. Good luck with your case. Keep us posted.
Hey Harli
I really can't believe this is still dragging on, your partner must be under such immense strain with all of this and he's lucky to have you supporting him. It must also be hugely frustrating for you.
You have to hope that he has enough evidence to challenge all of the inconsistencies and the court will accept this. Nobody can predict what a court will decide and how this moves forward from here, but you both have to stay strong and prepare as best you can for the forthcoming hearing.
Please try and get as much support as you can, perhaps try to get along to a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area to get some face to face emotional and practical help.
good luck
Hi Harli, I hope you're good and your partner is being strong for his kids. Considering the police NFAd the allegations, this will work in his favour. If his ex has photographic evidence of the alleged abuse then that will be bought up in the hearing.
A fact finding hearing is normally keeping the child in the forefront, depending on how high the false allegations go is exactly how hard your partner's ex will fall. There are always inconsistencies in lies. The fact finding hearing is to make sure he isn't what the ex says he is, the hardest part is waiting months for a day at court.
He may well start seeing his child after the fact finding within a contact centre environment until the next hearing, which if all is going well will evolve into community contact and then overnights.
Your partner is a very brave guy taking on his ex and her false allegations, tell him he can do this and if he needs support this site has ample help. If he is able to, ask him to self represent...she may claim legal aid, but if he is found not guilty of any abuse the ex allergies took place then I'm sure that privilege will get taken away. Lying in court is a nice no, big no no. And if she eats picked up for lying, it doesn't matter who is standing behind her...everything will come crumbling down.
The metaphor says that an entire world can side with anyone, but a love a father has for his child outweighs the world and then some...so let this army come, because Dad's are ready to go the long run for our kids. Long run thru life, thru teenage years, thru the ups and downs our kids may feel and especially fighting for them in court. Tell him things will get better. Be the person his kids want him to be and not what time is changing him into. The times will change soon enough. And he needs to be ready with strong shoulders to hold the child up all day long
Thank you Yoda and Yasser x
Yes the case drags on, seemingly endless and every day a part of him dies. He miraculously got legal aid, ex for some reason doesn't have it this time. She's not turned up for court for over a year now and is doing her best to delay or cancel the fact finding as she will have to turn up then I assume and she won't be able to think up lies quickly enough. She hides behind the people who believe her and so far the judges have let her get away with it. There is a hearing today, an extra one caused by her not submitting her paperwork in time, then another and finally the fact finding, 5 tough days which wil hopefully bring her down. He needs someone to believe in him, when everyone is pointing the finger and making false allegations it's tough to find the strength to fight.
No good so far, The ex is representing herself as she can't get legal aid for some reason, She has managed to persuade the judge to let the 6 year old give evidence in court and be cross examined. Now he's worried what long term effects this will have on the child and that he may be 'convicted' on the evidence of a 6 year old (because there is nothing else) who lies as well as his mother. Not sure any good news in this afternoon's session will make up for this.
Hey Harli, you're def the exact support he needs right now. I have never heard of a 6 year old being cross examined, surely the psychologists outcome is enough? Hopefully things will get better in no time, just ask your partner to hang in there, everything he is doing will be worth it no doubt.
He won't accept my support Yasser. Nothing I do or say can change anything or make it better so I am no comfort or help.
As it stands the mother is pleased the child will be allowed to speak. She has had plenty of time to coach him and the benefit of knowing why the police dropped the case so she can eliminate the risk of family court doing the same, She is beyond evil and a totally unfit parent in my opinion.
Despite pages and pages of evidence of lying, manipulation and alienation he can see no hope. I can see there is hope but I can't convince him.
I've sent you a PM.
I came across this which you might find useful, I can't believe that the court is prepared to have a child of that age appear in court to give evidence. I really do feel for you all.