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Me and my ex had a baby girl in nov 2009. I am on the birth certificate so i do have parental responsibility. After she was born my ex began to throw me out on quite a regular basis for any and all infractions. It was as if she got what she wanted and was done with me. The last time it happened (8 months after my daughter was born) she showed up at my friends house where i was cooling off after yet another argument with her dad and threw all my stuff on the front doorstep, called me a few quite racist names (im originally from Egypt) and left. Two days later we met to discuss my daughter and she said she had been in contact with the csa and i had to give her 500 pounds a month and that i could only see my daughter one hour a week at a contact center. I agreed to it because i was sick of arguing. Once she realised i didn't want to fight anymore she quickly changed her mood and said maybe we should give it one more chance. When i said no because it wasn't good for our child she told me not to tell anyone that she's asked for another chance as she's always been worried about appearances in the eyes of others. I started paying her this money (not through the csa but through a private agreement, although nothing was put into writing) and saw my daughter once a week for about two months. After that i took a week long trip to Egypt to see my mum. Right before i left(on the advice of friends) i called the csa to check the amount she stated as it seemed a bit high. They confirmed that it was too much and i should only be paying 120 a month on my wages. I sent her a text saying i knew she lied about it and we would have words when i got back. Unfortunately when i got to Egypt my mum informed me she had cancer and it devistated me. I had only recently started seeing my mum again after 14years as i was waiting for my uk citizenship to come through. I didn't contact my ex for a couple of months and when i did she informed me that she had a new man and that my daughter was calling him daddy and didn't know who i was and she didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't tell her about my mums cancer at the wishes of my mum, who had heard the conversation and was quite disgusted that my ex was saying those things. I stayed with my mum until she passed away in july 2011. When i came back to the uk i was still grieving and not in the right place to fight my ex. In December 2011 my best friend in the uk got leukaemia and went into hospital. Not wanting to stand by and let someone else be lost to this disease i went and stayed at his bedside. He passed away in feb 2012. It took me a few months to deal with yet another tragic event but by august 2012 i approached my ex to see if we could work out me having access to my child. She said no and that i could see her with her mother in town once or twice but not as her father (by this time she had told me that she had split up from the new man because he had cancer and she didn't think he was 'doing enough about it' and that she had lied about the calling him daddy thing just to hurt me. Whether or not that's true, i don't know ) but as rami. I agreed because anything is better than nothing. I saw them twice in town and after that she started ignoring my texts and requests to see my daughter. Everything came to a head in march 2013 when we had a massive argument on the phone and she told me that my daughter was getting too worked up when she saw me and she didn't want her getting attached. I then took her to mediation in may 2013 which she went to one session, demanded that i sign a residency order so i couldn't steal her and that i could see her 1 hour every 2 weeks at her grandparents house. When the mediator explained to her that a residency order would mean neither of us could take her out of the country without the others permission she got mad, said she didn't see why she should have to sign one and refused any more mediation. As i was getting all the relevant information to take her to court, she called and said she would agree to two hours every two weeks at her parents house. She also told my daughter that i was her daddy. This has been going on since June. I have now been told that this is all she is willing to do and it wont progress from here. My daughter still calls me by my first name as everyone in her family refuse to call me daddy to my daughter, who tells me 'i want to call you daddy all the time but mummy doesn't want me to' and 'i want to come have sleepovers at your house but mummy doesn't want us spending more time together'. I am now to the point where i have hit a brick wall with her and her family. She had completely alienated me from her family and is trying to do so with my child too. She does not want my child to have a relationship with me as her father and is unwilling to budge on any of these matters. My only point of contact is my child's gran who tells me that it will remain at two hours a fortnight till the child is 16. I am not willing to accept that. I am taking steps to file for residency on my ex's behalf as she has not done this as of yet (probably because it means relinquishing some of her complete control of my child) as a measure of good faith to show her that i, in some ways, respect her paranoia about me taking my child out of the country. But after i have done that, i do want a lot more access to my child. As much as the law will give me. I also want her and her family to acknowledge that i am the child's father and to call me daddy in front of her. I know that this will have to go to mediation again as its been over six months since we were last there but i have a strong suspicion she will reject it as she has every other attempt ive made to be involved in my child's life. I mean, she even changed all my daughters forenames on her birth certificate (with the help of her mother who is the head registrar at our local registry office)right after throwing me out and without my permission. this is not illegal up to one year after the child is born but it does show how difficult she is. I should also mention that as soon as she refused mediation the first time, she did call the csa immediately and made a claim and i have been paying them since June 2013.
i wanted to ask what my chances are and what kind of contact i would be likely to get considering that i will probably have to represent myself and her father will no doubt pay for a high priced solicitor. Also, i don't want to lose what little contact i do have, how would i get a interim contact order? Sorry for the longness of this email and thank you in advance for any help you can provide
Hi Rami
Firstly I don't think you can apply for residence on your exs behalf...only she can do that! You can't just sign a residence order, it has to be awarded by the court after hearings have taken place. It is a long process. Also the parent awarded residence can take the child out of the country for up to a month without needing the permission of the non resident parent. The non resident parent must seek the permission of the other parent to take the child out of the country. It sounds to me that you have been given incorrect advice. If you are going to try mediation again I would suggest you go somewhere else. Here's a link
www.nfm.org.uk
I'm pretty sure it is illegal to change a child's name without the permission of anyone that has parental responsibility. It's an official document.
As you are in contact with your daughter you stand a good chance of getting a contact order. Many parents self represent, especially since the rules on legal aid changed in April. There is a lot of information at the top of this section about self representing and the court process.
The average contact that can be awarded is every alternate fortnight from Friday/Saturday to Sunday and one day in the week....but this is not set in stone and depending on the judge different amounts of contact can be ordered. It's always best to ask for more than you want then you might find you get an acceptable amount!
As far as interim contact is concerned, you must ask for this on the application form that you will submit to the court . The form you need is the C100 form and I think you would request interim contact in section 7. If you ask for interim contact then the judge will address this at the first hearing. If you don't ask for it on the form, the judge might refuse to discuss it.
Hello nannyjane, firstly, thank you for your swift reply. Unfortunately it is not illegal to change a child's forenames up to a year after the child is born without the consent of the other parent. I thought it was illegal too but after calling the general registry office, they confirmed that it is not illegal. My ex's mother would have known this loophole seeing as she is the head registrar at our local registry office and was the one who registered my daughter in the first place. Also, the link for the national family mediation service is the one i used last time and we went to the one closest to us (which is in the same building as our county court is) as i cannot afford to travel the distance to the next nearest one.
this is quite a confusing time for me and i really don't know how to proceed and in which direction. The lady at the courthouse who gave me the c100 seems to think i can make an application for residency on my exs behalf as long as i am the father so i have ordered a copy of my daughters birth certificate from the GRO. But after what you have said, i just don't know where to go from here now.
thank you for your time and any help you can provide
Hi Rami
I'm sorry I got it wrong about the change of name...I'm shocked!
As far as the residence order is concerned, we can ask Coram Childrens Legal Centre tomcome along and give you some advice. They offer free legal advice to people that don't have a solicitor.
I have looked to see if I can find out about whether you can apply for residency on her behalf...I can't find anything, so I'm still in doubt, however I'm not legally trained so I could be wrong.
In the meantime you might like to consider attending a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, you will get advice and support and other members have found it really helpful. Here's a link to their webpage where you can find details of meetings in your area.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings
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