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Access to New Born

Active Member Registered

Hi Everyone,


Just after a bit of advice if possible, i've had a little girl on 15 August, from a previous relationship (spilt before we found out we were pregnant) 

anyway, i've been seeing the baby every other day pretty much since but the mum has gone to the CSA and isnt happy with the amount they have awarded her each month, so she's now saying that i cant see the baby for a month & then after that only once a week. 

Just wondering where i stand really as would dearly like more time than this, i only live 15 mins away & have great flexibility with work to allow me time to spend with the baby, i'm thinking of going down the legal route as i know access is going to continue to be an issue going forward. 

But understandably im aware that in reality she needs to be with her mum the majority of the time whilst she's breast feeding etc... just wondered if i'd be wasting my time going down the legal route etc with baby being so young.... but i also dont want to be a stranger to her & very keen to keep regular contact so we can continue to bond the way we have been 

I'm only talking about a few hours a few times a week, but i just know i'm not going to be able to sort that with her mum.

Anyone experienced anything similar?



Topic starter Posted : 27/11/2021 12:39 am
Famed Member


that's very said when a parent uses a child for financial gain. She could have first went into a private arrangement with you regarding maintenance. When I took legal route it involved a new born child. I think it's definitely worth taking the legal route in this situation. I imagine you will face more problems in future, such as when you ask can child spend time at your home to be with family, or spend weekends. When I went through court, they set conditions such as when child turns 2 and a half years old, child to stay 1 night with dad every other weekend. Then progress to 2-3 nights for the weekends. They like to do things in a gradual way and build up contact, to help child settle into new routine. Also late on when child starts nursery, it is easier for court to allow child to stay mid-week with dad, if your local and can manage school runs.

It does not have to be a very expensive process. You can self-represent. I did it last year. feel free to message me if you need help.


Posted : 27/11/2021 11:21 am

top tips to support your child after breakup

Estimable Member

Yes, I agree with Bill.  If she's going to be difficult then you might as well start now.  Its not difficult to do yourself.  I imagine you're not on the birth certificate so you won't have parental responsibility.  If she agrees to you having parental responsiblity then there's a form you can both sign.  If not, you can ask for that through the court as well. Info is on the website.  It costs £232 but you may be able to get reduced fees if you're on a low income.  Its form C1

Posted : 27/11/2021 7:04 pm
Active Member Registered

Thank you both, 

Makes me feel better, and sorry if you've had to go through similar. 

I am actually on the birth certificate so makes things a lot easier i guess. 

I live locally also so there isnt too many complications looking at the situation as a whole. 

We had a private agreement in place, but she went the CMS anyway & its ended up with her getting less than i was already paying her, news broke on tuesday & she's stopped me seeing anything of the baby and just said she will be in touch & blocked my number etc...

Knowing her every time we have a disagreement it will end with her using our baby against me, so i feel its the right thing to do now like you both say rather that having years of treading on eggshells. 

I just wondered whether you can go & then have provisions set for down the line so its good news if you can like you say.

I'd love overnights in the future but for now i understand that she's too young for that and i get it, but i just want a few hours here and there during the week so i can continue bonding with her. 

I'm happy to self represent, so in that case is the first step to book mediation? i 100% know it wont get me anywhere with the mum, but reading up it seems to be a tick box before you can apply to court? 


Topic starter Posted : 27/11/2021 11:16 pm

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Famed Member

@happygolucky16 yes mediation does seem to be a tick box exercise as often it is not taken seriously. you would need to book a MIAM appointment for yourself. costs about £100. I have used mediateuk on 2 occassions. would recommend them

if they decide that mediation is not suitable, they will give you permission to apply to court for a child arrangements order. its a c100 form. can be done online and costs £232

before taking these steps, you could send a polite letter/message to your ex outlining proposals for seeing your child regularly. then you could mention at the end that you don't want to take the legal route, but will as a last resort.

Posted : 27/11/2021 11:29 pm

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