Hi all. I am a dad to one 6-year old. On our 4th CAO, as the first three were breached by mum, but instead of seeking enforcement I tried to amend to account for concerns etc. Now have 3 hrs every Wednesday and Friday to Sunday every other weekend, plus shared holidays, alternate Christmases etc. It's good, and of course better than many, but of course not enough, and I'm struggling to explain to him why we can't hang out more often, why I can't come to his birthday party, why I can't drop him off at school every now and then, etc.
At the last hearing, I was accused (amongst other things) of coercive control through the courts. This (along with all other accusations) was dismissed, but I was advised to volunteer to be subject to a s.91.14, barring any further proceedings for 3 years, to demonstrate future cooperation. She then refused to be subject to it as well, so the court had to impose it upon her.
This expires in November this year. Lots has changed since the order, including my buying a house much closer to my son, he is coming to the end of his second year at school, etc. Both he and I would love more time together, and I have asked several times to discuss with her. She refuses mediation, counselling etc, claiming that it is inappropriate where there is a history of abuse.
I'm now in a situation where I either resign my son to only seeing me during these times, or I return to court (after the barring order expires) and risk being framed again as coercive. More importantly, I really don't want to put my son through it all - he was too young to remember it all back then, but now he would absolutely be right in the middle of it.
Had anyone gone through similar who might have advice? Thanks!
Hi,
I have been in your situation and went back to court in the past to get more time with kids. But I think you need to tread carefully because of this barring order, and even after it expires.
I would be very wary of going back to ask for 1 extra night in the week for example. This may come across as trivial and they could say you already have substantial time with Child and it's of good quality, and they don't make any changes. What you could think about is seeking changes such as having fri-Mon every other weekend and changing the 3 hours on Wednesday to an overnight. Seek to have child on his birthday/fathers days perhaps. If you would like to take child abroad on holiday, then could seek that. Video calls?
If your able to do school runs and the commute is short, then that can work in your favour. Explain how these changes will benefit the child.
@bill337 This is really useful, thank you so much for replying.