Attempts of extortion and mental harassment despite Financial Settlement Order
Very sorry for long post but I am in very unfortunate situation from last few years and looking for some advice on how to handle constant harassment and money extortion attempts by my ex. I am from Indian background and married a lady (now my ex) from India. I suffered mental and physical abuse and extreme controlling behaviour from this narcissist ex for over 5 years of marriage. Finally, I picked up the courage and got protection from court via a non-molestation order in Feb 2017. She was asked by judge to leave matrimonial home at same time. I followed it up by applying for divorce. In response, she filed a rape case against me, but I was never contacted by police.
Here is some background to current issues:
- Dec 2017 - 7 days after Decree Nisi was issued, my ex-wife travelled to India and filed a court case against me and my aging parents (living I India) under a very old law for cruelty in marriage (google IPC 498A or watch YouTube documentary called “Martyrs of Marriage” if you are interested in detail). Corruption and favouritism are well known in India state functioning and she has a cousin who is a district judge at the location she filed that case. Case was registered by bypassing all norms of police involvement etc.
- Aug 2019 – Decree absolute was issued by UK court.
- Nov 2019 – Financial settlement order issued by UK court. In our culture, women get gold jewellery gifts from both sides of the parent. She demanded she will keep all of that. Rest of our combined net worth was about £20k at that time. She argued in court over three hearings and demanded £25k as lumpsum cash for clean break. I was in distress of a very abusive marriage and the impact ongoing cases on my son, so agreed to all her demands. Court order clearly states that all money, jewellery, property or any other valuables in UK or abroad are all settled and neither party will make no further claims in any jurisdiction.
- My aging parents in India have to travel 200 kilometres to attend court in India, where my ex’s relative judge is harassing them. An arrest warrant is issued against me, which was done by bypassing all norms and law of land. I cannot travel to India as if I go, I’ll be stuck in corrupt legal system for over a year and will face financial ruin in UK.
- My ex is polluting brain of our son, she is telling him that I and my parents have filed false cases against her in India and that we are harassing her. She is telling him false stories that she was pushed out of the house without any financial assistance and that all her jewellery is in my possession.
- She knows I can’t travel to India, she is asking my son to say to me that he wants to go to India. She is using my refusal to pollute my son’s mind that I do not allow him to have a normal life.
- She calls and emails me many times every week, abuses me, threatens me and as usual, she accuses me of all the mental harm actually she is doing to our son. I managed to record few calls where she is abusing me with filthiest possible language. I have stopped picking up her calls but when our son is with her, she makes him send a voice message asking me to pick up as he wants to talk to me. If I don’t pick up, she pollutes his mind that his dad does not love him. If I pick up, she uses that call to abuse me.
- She is sending threating emails again and again. Asking for unspecified sums of money if I want to spare my parents from court abuse in India. She is even listing my brother’s salary in one of the emails and saying I can afford to pay her money.
- Our situation now if that my GP has detected anxiety and signs of depression for me. I am unable to sleep and always worried. My aging parents live alone in India and already fragile because they can’t see their grandchildren for long periods, now they are showing signs of severe depression.
- I am completely bruised by my experience of family courts so far and have zero faith. Judges do not look at any evidence presented and rather rely on two people’s word against each other. I my case, my abuser can tell lies and stories created out of thin air more convincingly than my truth. Court did not even take notice of videos she made by beating our son and then sending me, to make me upset. CAFCAS are interested in some checkbox sheet / flow chart they have and she is fooling them with ease. CAFCAS and family courts were fooled by her by hanging my parent’s photos in her home just for the day of CAFCAS visit and many other such manipulations. So, family court is not an option.
- Will police listen to me if I go to them and share persistent abuse evidences like emails, phone call recordings and hundreds of missed calls all around the clock? If yes, what is the process?
- If it is not a police matter, can I approach criminal courts directly? I am hoping that unlike family courts, criminal court will not ignore hard evidences. What will be process to do so?
the harassment and abuse sounds very bad. I would suggest you inform police on the non-emergency number 101. can send them evidence. if they talk to her, then hopefully she will stop bugging you. I am not that knowledgeable, but I don't think you can directly approach the criminal courts, unless police first charge someone for a crime and intend to prosecute.
@bill337 Thanks for your reply. I was thinking that it can be a criminal offence and breach of court order if she is still trying to get more money on foreign land as our court order here clearly says that she can't claim anything in any jurisdiction.
Below is the wording:
The Parties agree that terms set out on this order are accepted in full and final satisfaction of:
- All Claims in respect of the contents of the family home and personal belongings including but not limited to furniture, art work, jewellery and motor vehicles;
- All other claims of any nature which one may have against the other as a result of their marriage either in England and Wales or in any other jurisdiction.
Is the non-molestation order still in place or has it expired?
Is the non-molestation order still in place or has it expired?
No, it expired 3 years ago.
You could take out a further non molestation order if the abuse is continuing. There may be domestic abuse support organisations near you and they will support male as well as female victims. You can also contact the national organisation Mankind. Their website is www.mankind.org.uk
@champagne Thanks for your reply. I have tried most of the charities but unfortunately there isn't much help available for men. Mankind's phone never worked for me and I have tried to send emails 2-3 times in past and never got a reply back. But I will keep trying. thanks