Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all,
My wife and I are having difficulties with our marriage and it has come to a point where I think a break-up is inevitable.
We have two boys, 7 months and 2 and a half years old, both born in the UK with British passports.
My wife is South African with dual nationality (South African and British) and has applied for dual nationality for the boys so they both now hold South African passports as well.
I’m a Dutch citizen but have been living and working in the UK since 1999 and now run my own company since 2007.
My biggest fear is if we do break-up, is she allowed to relocate to South Africa with my boys?
She has very wealthy parents in SA and I’m so concerned that they will do anything possible to take the boys away from me.
We are both great parents to the boys and I have never been a bad or abusive husband. I have always provided well for my family and currently I am the only breadwinner as my wife is still on maternity leave until January 2014.
I will appreciate any advice or information regarding this as the worry is very stressful and depressing.
Regards,
Johan
Not without your permission but I understand it would be hard to prevent her leaving the country with them unless you obtain a prihibited steps order.
Regards,
Dave
Thank you Dave,
I have read up on so many pages on the internet but there's never a clear "yes" or "no".
With the political unrest and safety issues in South Africa, the wellbeing is my mayor concern for my kids and for their future.
Her parents' house is surrounded with electrified fences and they drive around with handguns for their protection. That is not a life a want for my boys.
They have been to SA on a few occasions to visit the grandparents but I could not join them due to work.
My only means of contact was via Skype but they have such poor internet connection that I never had a decent eye to eye conversation with them.
My boys are my life and soul and it would tear me apart to lose them in this way.
I might be paranoid and expecting the worst outcome, but she has a very strong bond with her family in SA and with their financial backing, I'm sure it has crossed her mind to go back.
Regards,
Johan
You should maybe consider a prohinited steps order then.
Are you or have you agreed contact in the event that you split up?
Its also worth noting that if you do go to court for a prohibited steps order the realtionship may become acrimonious and contact may be reduced or denied.
You ideally would agree contact between yourselves but may consider mediation if there is acromony or it may be that you have to use the court process.
It depends on whether the mother becomes disagreeable if you request a prohibited steps order via court.
Regards,
Dave
Thanks again Dave,
We are still living together as normal but over the last few weeks we have mentioned seperating after a few arguments.
We have never got as far to have a proper calm discussion regarding seperation and the kids so hopefully it never happens and we can sort out our problems.
I just have this massive worry because she was very threatening towards a seperation so I just want to know where I stand as a dad and my rights.
Thanks for all your help.
Have you considered going to Relate - it may be that the first step is to try to save the marriage.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.