Dad wants residency and I’m a mum
I’ve written on here before explaining my situation so won’t go into too much detail. We have a Court order now as it went to court
I have 3 kids and one he has Pr for but isn’t his. Due to certain issues that have arisen she isn’t going for now. He isn’t fussed but may enforce the order before anyone slates me he is extremely underhanded and manipulative towards me and things have come up. my son who both have together continues to go and he is nearly 4 and very much attached to both of us and often says he wants to live with both of us. He is at dads now.
We have two boys together he has one living with him and one with me. The courts didn’t like how he took my son and tried take my other son but he got residency due to diagnose of ASD of my son.
he asked me the other day for residency of my other son. I said I can give him more time and we can vary the order. The whole thing has gone wrong again due to his derogatory comments to my daughter and what he has done she now wants to spend little time with him. They are extremely emotionally abusive with his mum and a big reason why her other children moved far away and have no contact or allow their kids or even their partners to see her as she mentally abused them all and turned them against their real father with parental alienation as they grew up. She also lied and false allegations and involved her partner at the time including changing their surnames so now they don’t allow their kids to see her. My ex is close to her and the only one who sticks by her yet he was closest and eldest to his dad and I heard very close when he was young.
I have given so many options to him like co parenting courses, being civil, I don’t ask for maintenance even those he is better off by far but he has one son and I have two but I don’t ask for anything from him.
I don’t neglect the kids or anything but when he bought my son back grazed all over his face Its fine but my son who lives with him who also has ASD and little body awareness fell and grazed his forehead he told me off. He tells me You never wanted the boys anyway give them to me and he could give them a better life together and they should be together as brothers.
I told him I’m the mother and he said I could see them whenever I like but I have little trust actually none.
I’ve heard he will take the boys far away but he said he would stay local and even his family have warned the children will be mentally abused due to the things he and his mum will say the kids to try and turn them against me. Already my daughter has said things and even though at 8.5 years and school describing her as mature she gets upset at how they describe me and my family as practically abusers.
im at a lost how to deal with the other parent here? I’ve always been fair and asked if we could share parenting when he kicked me out because i dare tell him not to shout loud one early morning at one of the boys but he said he was having the boys and I wouldn’t have access and he doesn’t do share care.
I was threatened and two years later with tiny gaps in between thinking all is well I’ve still been called names on pick up and drop off and had underhanded things happen which I cant prove but also that have hurt other people connected to me in some ways.
If he has the two boys I lose I say no I’m not giving up my son I will lose as he said he will have no mercy on me and I be got nothing to prove it but I’m genuinely breaking. He just wants the boys all to himself.
im utterly at a lose what to do? Mediation again? Offer more time? Vary the order to his liking? What? I’ve got no issues except I’m not rich enough according to him and in my area there are drug dealers which i am not involved with and never have or will be. I’ve had no drugs in my life and we both lived in an era together where there were drug dealers but that was fine then.
what can I do? What would you do if the other parent was like this?
I am not sure why you are trying to get him to do a parenting course as he has residency of one . I am not sure how he would owe maintenance as he has residency of one of children. Is it not right you just have 2 sons together and daughter has a different dad?
Ideally a 50-50 arrangement would suit and boys live together rather than them being apart
Not a parenting course a co parenting course for better communication as it was suggested to me and cafcass actually do that now. A parenting course is very different and that’s not what I meant.
He doesn’t pay maintenance but I have two children in residency and he has PR for both and yes he has one of our sons living with him but he goes on and on about money , he even mentioned it in court about my finances and the judge told him so what and not to go on about it. but the children are never without and I am quite happy and good at budgeting, they have everything they need and extra but no I’m not rich or have as much money as he does but It’s never enough.
I agree with you that 50/50 should be ideal what I’m trying to say it doesn’t matter that I suggest but he wants to the boys for himself and slowly Not sure what would happen as it happens some of his family have told me it’s likely he would slowly pull them away from me that’s his family who don’t trust him .
I could go on about the things and threats of never having access to my kids that he has said in the past but I have tried every solution to reason with him and it ended up in course but as a mum as well and I know how important dads are he doesn’t see me as equal. I do have a friend who has to fight to see his kids and holidays and last minute stopping contact from the mother and he has said I am being reasonable but can I trust him if my son goes to live with him and he has both boys? What guarantee do I have that I have good contact? Not that I want that but I’ve tried 50/50 suggestion.
I have no idea what to do really except try and talk and come to a solution but I want to be part of my boys life if they did go with him who knows what will be said and done.
you could try make own arrangement of 50/50 if it will be better for the children. then when the children become teens, they can decide for themselves how much time they want to spend with each parent, or who they want to live with. Hopefully it can be sorted out amicably without going back to court.