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I have a wonderful 4 year old whom obviously I love very much.
We are extremely close and have a fantastic time together.
6 months ago his mother and I split up.
She forced me out of our home (which she owns) at last minute so I had to move a few miles away.
We agreed that I would have my son every other weekend (3 nights) plus one night every week. Not to mention 50% holidays although she coned me this year.
We were getting on but recently she spent several weeks on holiday with her parents - who never really like me although I tried for many years.
Sadly she came back very negative, unhelpful and sometimes refused to answer texts/e-mails regarding our son.
This weekend I am moving within a few mins walk of my old home and have requested that I collect my son on the two days of the week when she is unable to.
Without reason she has refused this and contacted a lawyer (paid for by her rich parents of course)
Earlier this week I mailed her asking that we discuss this, either by ourselves or with a mediator. Her response was a letter from the lawyer which also accused me of harassing her by email and text and not to contact her again (although I have no idea how I can now discuss arrangements with my son) I made it very clear in my e-mails that our son's welfare should come before anything else. Any texts and email were part of a two way conversation.
Also, Whilst she was away on holiday she ignored my requests to talk to my son.
Furthermore, earlier this week I saw my son with her mother - she dragged him away and tried to distract him so that he didn't see me. It was his first day at his new school so I called him. He was delighted and ran over and gave me a hug. Her mother stood there huffing and haring with a face like she was swallowing a wasp. Naturally I was really, really upset about this. Sadly my ex refused to condemn the behaviour.
Anyone been through anything similar?
Can anyone offer any advice please as this is really getting me down.
The lawyers letter didn't outline anything yet - probably just a Friday afternoon trick to spool my weekend!
Finally - although she broke up the family neither of us want to get back together so there's no sour grapes there.
Thanks in advance.
Hi London 1509
All though I havn't been through what your going through, Iv'e had freinds and family that have been through the
same issue, and I can only imagine the pain not being able to see a child brings. However being as you can't have
contact with your ex you should try speaking to your local social services (children's services). They will help you
as well as give you advice.
We can also get hold of our advice team and they can give you some very help full advice? However it may take a few days
to come through so keep posted.
JJ
Dear London1509,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.
At present the mother does have the ability to control the contact that you have with your son, as she is the resident parent. This means that she can state if and when contact will take place and control any telephone contact that you do have with him.
A resident parent should be reasonable and allow contact unless there is a risk to the child, however legally she does not have to allow any contact and the agreement made between you is not legally binding and can not be enforced.
If contact is not being allowed, or you are not happy with the contact that is being given, then you have the option of suggesting mediation to the mother, which you have stated that you already have done.
Generally, if the mother is claiming harassment it is not advisable to contact her further at this time, except possibly through solicitors.
The other option that you would have would be to make an application to court for a contact order. This is a legally binding order that would set dates and times for you to see your son and the mother would have to comply with this or she may be penalised by the court.
If you wish to make an application to court, then you are able to do this yourself or using a solicitor.
If you choose to represent yourself then you can download the relevant forms, the C100, CB1 and CB3, from www.hmcs.gov.uk . Once completed you file the C100 at the Family Proceedings Court closest to the child’s home and pay the fee of £175. The court will then contact both you and the mother and alert you to any dates that you must attend court.
Once in court the judge will hear from both you and the mother. The overriding factor is that the court will grant orders based on what they believe to be in the child’s best interests.
There is a general presumption that in most cases contact with both parents is best for children, and it is unusual that some form of contact is not granted to a parent.
We hope that this information is useful to you. Should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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