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Hi, I came home from work on Thursday, to find my girlfriend, 5 yr old girl & 5 month old girl gone. When i eventually got hold of my GF she said she had gone to her mothers house 200 miles away. This came as a big shock, though we have not been getting on for a while, i never thought it was that bad. The first two days i rang to say goodnight to my little 5 yr old, as i have every day of her life, to find the GF's phone turned off. She did ring the next day & has rang at bed time since. In one call my little girl kept saying that she was at home, which is a big concern, because my gf has no family locally, & i am thinking if she is going to stay there permantly.
From other calls my little girl seems to be having quite expensive presents brought for her, & she seems to be quite un-happy that i'm not there.
There has been a toy she has wanted for a while, so we said, if we make a star chart, as soon as you have 20 stars you can have it. On the Wednesday night she eventually got the 20th star, so i said that she could have the toy the next day (we had already got it). So she left without the toy she had worked so hard for. Her mother told her that i wouldn't let her have it, so she went out & got a toy that is much more expensive. It seems to me that my gf is already trying to buy her & putting things into her head about me.
I really don't know what is going to happen with my gf & me. If we do get back together, i will be forever wondering if they will still be at home when i finish work. If we split up when will i get to see my children, & i've no doubt my gf will have somebody else moved in in no time, & do i really want some stranger looking after my girls!
My 5 yr old knows i'm her dad, but the baby doesn't, so she will look upon the new flavour of the day as 'daddy'
I really need to know my legal rights, like: can she take them 200 miles away without my consent, could i apply for custody of the 5 yr old, because the baby still needs to be with her mother because of her age.
I think my gf could turn very nasty, & she knows all the loop holes, because her mother works in social services.
This is really tearing me apart, i love my girls to bits & have always tried to be the best father possible.
Sorry for the babble, i just typed as it came into my head.
Dear pajpower0,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.
As she has parental responsibility, the mother is able to remove the children from the family home and move anywhere within the United Kingdom that she wishes with them. She does not need to gain your consent to do this.
As the mother has now established herself as the resident parent, she also has the right to control any contact that you and the children may have. Although she should be reasonable about this she is able to decide if you have contact, where, when etc.
It is likely that you do have parental responsibility also. You will have this if you are named on the children’s birth certificates and they were both born after December 2003, which it appears they were.
Parental Responsibility means that you do have the right to a say in the major decisions affecting your children’s lives. This includes issues such as schooling, religion, if they go abroad, and you should be made aware of any medical treatment etc that they require.
Unfortunately parental responsibility does not give you a right to see your children, and this is something that must be agreed between you and the mother, or granted by a court order if an agreement can not be reached.
Generally, when the children are being cared for by either parent, it is for that parent to decide who they see and this includes new partners. Your girlfriend is able to introduce a new partner to the children at any time and there will not be anything that you can do about this unless you have real reason to believe that this particular person poses a risk of harm to the children. If this becomes the case then you would need to report your concerns to the social services who will decide whether to investigate the matter.
You are able to apply for any orders regarding your children as you are the father. You can apply for residence of your older child if you believe that would be best for her.
Once this matter goes to court, the court would consider all the circumstances, however there usually has to be quite serious reasons for the court to remove a child from the parent that they have become accustomed to.
The court would also look at the effect that separating your children would have on them when making their decision.
The main consideration of the court is always what is best for the children in question, and if they feel that the children would be better with you then they will grant this, but you would be required to give good reasons as to why they would be better with you.
We hope that this information is useful to you. Should you require further advice or wish how to make applications to court, please contact our Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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